Witchy Tales: A Wicked Witches of the Midwest Fairy Tale Read online

“Fine,” Landon said through his clenched jaw. “When this is over with, though, I want a whole day of just you and me. I don’t want to see a single member of your family. I’m talking a full twenty-four hours.”

  “We’ll go to a hotel,” I promised.

  “You bet we’re going to a hotel,” Landon said. “You’re going to pay, too.”

  “Okay.”

  “We’re getting nothing but room service,” Landon said, pulling me as he started to follow the shadow. “We’re getting breakfast in bed, lunch in bed and dinner in bed.”

  “That sounds fun,” Clove said. “Maybe we’ll go with you.”

  Sam shot her a quelling look.

  “Maybe not,” Clove said quickly. “Sorry.”

  “I’m not joking, Bay,” Landon said. “We need a break from all this … togetherness.”

  “Maybe you should go to the hotel alone,” I suggested. “You don’t look too happy with me right now.”

  “You’re the only thing making me happy right now. Never doubt that.”

  “OKAY, does anyone think this is the weirdest setting yet?” Thistle leaned over and rested her hand against the giant toadstool, snatching it away after a few seconds of contact. “That feels funny.”

  “It’s a giant mushroom,” Landon said. “What did you expect it to feel like?”

  “I don’t know,” Thistle said, ignoring his sarcasm. “It looks like it’s made out of plastic. I thought it would feel smooth.”

  “It smells,” Clove said.

  “It’s a mushroom,” Landon said.

  “I wish we had our phones,” Thistle said. “I would love a cool photo on top of the toadstool.”

  “It’s a giant mushroom!” Landon was beside himself.

  After following the shadow through the labyrinth of hallways and out a side door of the castle, we’d spent the last ten minutes studying the peculiar setting. The shadow disappeared, which meant whatever was supposed to happen would occur in this area. I was almost sure of it.

  “Which story is this?” Landon asked.

  “I’m not sure yet.”

  “Why is nothing happening?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “What do you know?”

  “I know you’re upset,” I said, setting my hand on his forearm. “I’m sorry. I … .”

  “No, I’m sorry,” Landon said, shaking his head. “This isn’t your fault. I did this.”

  “How do you figure that?”

  “I’m the one who threatened her,” Landon said, rubbing his forehead. “I’m the one who promised to confiscate her wine. She probably would have ignored us if I hadn’t been so … harsh.”

  “You shouldn’t blame yourself for doing your job,” I said. “Aunt Tillie is the one at fault here, not you.”

  “She’s right,” Thistle said. “Aunt Tillie knew what she was doing was wrong. That’s why she tried to hide it. If she thought she was in the right she would have told everyone what she was doing. She likes to brag.”

  “I’m sorry I’m being so cranky,” Landon said. “This situation is … out of our control. I don’t like Bay being in danger. I don’t like any of us being in danger. It feels as though this thing is never going to end.”

  “It’s going to end,” I said. “I think we have only two left.”

  “Which two?”

  “Wonderland and Oz.”

  “Which one is this?” Landon asked.

  “I … .” I jumped back when a huge rabbit barreled between us, the furry beast tripping over the toadstool and hitting the ground hard on the other side.

  “Who put that there?” the rabbit asked, flummoxed. “Has someone been rearranging furniture?”

  Thistle’s face split with a wide grin. “This is the best one!”

  Landon scowled. “Wonderland?”

  I nodded. “This was always Thistle’s favorite story.”

  “I have to get moving,” the rabbit said. “I’m running behind. This is not good. This is so not good.” The rabbit glanced at us, irritated. “Put that toadstool back where you found it. It doesn’t belong there.”

  We all watched, slack jawed, as the rabbit got back to its feet and hurried around the corner of the house.

  “Follow that rabbit,” Thistle instructed, breaking into a run. “Hurry! I don’t want to miss this one!”

  “Well, at least someone is excited,” Landon said, grabbing my hand. “If you’re right, once we get through this one there’s only one left.”

  “I think I’m right.”

  “I have faith in you,” Landon said. “Let’s go. If we don’t keep an eye on Thistle she’s going to molest that rabbit. Did you see the look on her face when she saw it?”

  “It is kind of cool,” I said, following Landon. “Don’t tell me you don’t think it’s cool.”

  “I’m beyond anything being cool in this world,” he said. “The only thing I’m going to find cool in the foreseeable future is a bath, a bed and a plateful of bacon.”

  “I’ll make sure you get all three of them,” I said.

  “We’re going to get all three of them together,” Landon said. “No one is in this alone, especially you and me.”

  Tea doesn’t constitute a party – unless there’s bourbon in the cup, too. Now, that’s a party. You can’t go to those types of parties yet. Forget I told you that.

  – Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up

  Seventeen

  By the time we rounded the corner of the castle, Thistle had a significant lead on us. Marcus broke into a run to catch up with her, while Landon and I slowed our approach to give ourselves time to study the outrageous tableau.

  “What is that?” Sam asked, confused.

  I smiled. “It’s a tea party.”

  “There are a lot of animals standing on two feet and kind of … hanging out,” Sam said.

  “It’s Wonderland,” I said. “Nothing is normal.”

  “What’s the lesson in this one?” Landon asked.

  I racked my brain, trying to prod a memory forward. “All I remember about this one is that Aunt Tillie doesn’t believe that a tea party is a real party unless people are slipping bourbon into the tea cups.”

  Landon snorted. “That sounds about right. She’s got her fingerprints all over this world.”

  “What should we do?” Clove asked, worried. “We’re never going to be able to tear Thistle away from this one.”

  “It’s Aunt Tillie’s world,” I reminded her. “Nothing is as it seems, and nothing is safe. This might look like a tea party, but there’s a lot more going on in Wonderland besides tea.”

  “That’s true,” Clove said. “What do you want to do?”

  “We have to join the party,” I said. “That’s where this is all going to begin.”

  “I’m worried about where it’s going to end,” Clove said.

  She wasn’t the only one.

  I led Landon to one of the tables, pulling out a chair and directing him to sit while I kept an eye on Thistle. She was having a great time chatting up a turtle. Marcus was beside her, but his eyes were busy scanning for hidden threats.

  After a few seconds I realized Landon wasn’t sitting. Instead he stood next to me, an unreadable expression on his face.

  “What?” I asked.

  “You just pulled my chair out,” Landon said.

  “So?”

  “I’m still the prince,” he said, pushing my hand away. “I pull your chair out.”

  “Oh, you’re so macho,” I grumbled.

  “If that’s how you want to think about me, that’s fine.” Landon pulled my chair out and gestured to it. “Milady.”

  I rolled my eyes but took the seat. This wasn’t worth arguing about. Landon settled next to me, unfolding the cloth napkin and looking around. “What do you think we’re waiting for?”

  “I’m not sure yet,” I said. “There are a lot of different parts in that book, and there are technically two books. Aunt
Tillie could have picked any part of them to incorporate into her book.

  “I remember Thistle was always correcting Aunt Tillie when she told us Wonderland stories,” I continued. “Thistle was like a film critic who couldn’t stand when the director broke from the source material. It totally ticked her off.”

  “Thistle doesn’t strike me as a fairy tale kid,” Landon said, reaching for the pot of tea. “Do you think it’s safe to drink this?”

  I nodded, watching as he poured my cup and then his own. “What do you mean?”

  “I always associate fairy tales with girly girls,” he said.

  “Do you associate fairy tales with me?”

  “Are you asking whether I think of you as a girly girl?”

  “I … don’t know,” I said. “I don’t know what answer would freak me out more.”

  “Sometimes I try to picture you as a kid,” Landon said. “All I see is long, blonde hair and pigtails. I see you running in the woods, and I see you wrestling around with Thistle. I don’t see dresses … or dolls … or tiaras.”

  “That’s probably good,” I said. “I never liked any of those things.”

  “That’s what I figured,” Landon said, sipping his tea. “Thistle wasn’t like that either, was she?”

  “No.”

  “What about Clove?”

  I looked to the next table, smiling when I saw Clove and Sam talking with a giant squirrel. “Clove liked dolls and dresses,” I said. “At a certain point she tried to pretend she didn’t, because she wanted to be like Thistle and me.”

  “That sounds like her.”

  “I don’t think it was fair to her, though,” I said. “I often wonder whether Clove would have been better off with two cousins who weren’t so … overbearing.”

  “I don’t think of you as overbearing,” Landon said. “Don’t get me wrong, you have your moments. Given how overbearing some of the other women in your life are – and yes I’m referring to Thistle and Aunt Tillie – you’re much mellower than you have any business being.”

  “I don’t know,” I shrugged. “It’s hard to look back at your childhood without regret.”

  “I don’t think you should regret anything,” Landon said. “I think you turned out pretty terrific.”

  “You do?”

  “I don’t know any other woman who would take on a giant and kiss a hairy monster on faith alone.”

  “You’re right,” I said. “I am pretty great!”

  Landon’s grin was adorable. “You are.” He leaned forward and rubbed his nose against mine briefly. “I’m so ready to get us out of here.”

  “You and me both.”

  “Oh, Craig, look who it is.”

  I froze when I heard the voice, turning my head from Landon and focusing on the three bears standing at the other side of the table. “Oh … hey.”

  “I see you found a friend,” Sheila said, hoisting her impressive girth onto one of the metal bistro chairs. “We were worried about you after you left.”

  “I wasn’t worried,” Sebastian said. “I was hoping something ate you.”

  Landon made a face. “Do you want to introduce me to your friends?”

  “Sure,” I said. “This is Craig, Sheila and Sebastian. They’re the bears I was telling you about. This is Landon. He’s my boyfriend.”

  “Oh, that’s nice,” Craig said, sitting next to his wife. “Did you know that your girlfriend climbed into our beds last night?”

  “I heard,” Landon said, leaning back in his chair and slinging an arm around my shoulders. “She’s always been adventurous.”

  “Is that code for something?” Sebastian asked.

  “Not really.”

  “Your girlfriend jumped in strangers’ beds,” Sebastian said. “That doesn’t sound like a very good girlfriend.”

  “We’ve moved on from it,” Landon said, changing tactics. “We had a big fight but now we’re over it. She was only doing it to make me jealous.”

  “I had to sleep on the couch because of her,” Sebastian complained.

  “Let it go, son,” Craig said. “It’s in the past.”

  “I didn’t know you were invited to this party,” I said. “Do you know who’s hosting it?”

  “Don’t you?” Sheila asked.

  “I’m guessing it’s the Mad Hatter,” I said. “Am I right?”

  Sheila tilted her head to the side and gave what passed for a smile. “Not exactly.”

  I didn’t like her tone. “I have to ask you guys something,” I said, lifting my hand and rubbing Landon’s fingers as they idly moved across my shoulder. “Do you know you’re in a book?”

  “Of course we know we’re in a book,” Sheila said. “We’re not stupid.”

  “Do we know we’re in a book,” Craig chortled. “For a human, you’re cute.”

  “Do you know who wrote the book?”

  “The most wonderful scribe in the land,” Sebastian said.

  “And who is that?”

  “The great and powerful Tillie,” Sebastian replied, solemn.

  “I knew it,” I said, pumping my first. “I told you Wonderland and Oz were the last ones.”

  “You’re very wise, sweetie,” Landon said, topping off my cup of tea.

  “Have you ever met the great and powerful Tillie?” I asked.

  “No,” Sheila said. “They say if you look upon her in the flesh you’ll never be seen again.”

  That sounded like her. It really did. “Is Tillie hosting this tea party?” Hey, I can hope.

  “Of course not,” Craig said. “The great and powerful Tillie doesn’t drink tea unless it’s laced with bourbon. Plus, she’s very busy. She runs the entire land.”

  “From where?”

  “Here.”

  I glanced around. “The castle?”

  Sheila nodded. “This is her home.”

  “I thought this was the beast’s home,” I said.

  “What beast?”

  Hmm. It seems some tales had problems crossing over. “How long as Tillie been in charge of this land?”

  “Since it was created,” Craig said.

  “And when was that?”

  “When the world started,” Craig said.

  “But … when?”

  “Back when she started it,” Craig said, flustered.

  “What are you trying to do here?” Landon asked, keeping his voice low. “Are you trying to agitate the bears?”

  “No,” I said. “I’m trying to find out whether they have a sense of time.”

  “Why?”

  “Because they’re self-aware,” I said. “They’re not real, but in a way they’re self-aware. The thought of them … winking out of existence … makes me a little sad.”

  “Bay … .”

  “It’s okay,” I said. “I’m not an idiot. I know I can’t change this. I’m trying to get a feeling for what’s going on.”

  “Okay,” Landon said, “but I don’t want you to have a broken heart when we finally get out of here. That’s going to be one of the happiest moments of my life. I don’t want you feeling sad about anything.”

  I glanced at him, curious. “What are the other happiest times of your life?”

  “Are you fishing for a compliment?”

  “No,” I said. “I honestly want to know.”

  “Well, the first Christmas I remember I got a new bike,” he said. “I remember going down the stairs and seeing it and thinking that nothing could ever be better than that. Then the first time I … you know … that was pretty exciting.”

  I made a face.

  “Not nearly as exciting as you, sweetie,” he teased.

  “You’re still charming,” I said.

  “I try.”

  “What else?” I prodded.

  “The day I graduated from high school. The day I was recruited into the bureau. The day I met you.”

  “You hated me the day we met,” I said. “You thought I was mouthy and in your way.”

  “Th
at’s not true,” Landon said. “I liked you from the moment I saw you.”

  “You’re making that up.”

  “I’m not,” Landon said. “That was truly one of the greatest moments in my life. Do you want to know what the single greatest moment of my life was, though?”

  I waited.

  “The night you told me you loved me.”

  My cheeks colored, and I lowered my gaze. “Oh.”

  “What about you?” Landon asked. “What’s your greatest moment?”

  “Right now,” I said, averting my gaze.

  Landon exhaled heavily. “We seriously need to get out of here,” he said. “There are so many things I’d rather be doing right now, and not one of them involves having tea with bears. No offense.”

  “None taken,” Sheila said. “I love seeing young people in love. I really hope you survive the sacrifice.”

  “Thank you for saying that,” I said, warmth washing over me. “I … wait, what did you say?”

  “I hope you survive the sacrifice,” Sheila repeated. “We hear it’s going to be a real bloodbath this year.”

  “That’s why we came,” Sebastian said. “We love a good blood sacrifice.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked. “Who is going to sacrifice who?”

  “The queen, of course,” Craig said. “It’s her annual tea. She always sacrifices the humans when she hosts a tea.”

  Crap. Here was the twist on Wonderland. I gripped Landon’s hand. “We need to get out of here,” I said. “I have a bad feeling about this.”

  “I’m right there with you,” Landon said, jumping to his feet. “We need to bypass this one right now and get into the castle. That’s where we’re going to find the last story. I think we’re done with this one.”

  I scanned the crowd. “Do you see anyone else?”

  “I got distracted,” Landon said. “I stopped watching them.”

  I jerked my head back and forth, studying the assembled animals. “Do you notice we’re the only humans left?”

  “I’m guessing that’s a bad sign,” Landon said.

  “I’m guessing that’s the worst sign ever,” I said. “We have to move.” I reached for his hand, but when I met air I swiveled quickly, panicking.

  The rabbit was back, and he had a knife at Landon’s throat. “Did you move that toadstool back? I didn’t think so. I can’t stand furniture movers.”