Only the Quiet Read online

  “I guess that means you’re not going to answer my questions?” I was rueful. “I can’t say I’m not disappointed.”

  “I can’t answer them.” He was calm. “You must find the answers ... and it’s time to get up.”

  “What?”

  “It’s time to get up.” His voice was drowned out by the sound of my alarm and I jerked awake, rubbing my forehead as the early morning light filtered through the window.

  “Well, that was weird,” I muttered.

  “Definitely,” he echoed in my head. “Get up. Your answers await.”

  OLIVER WAS ALREADY AT HIS COMPUTER station when I entered the gate room an hour later. I was feeling sluggish, fresh coffee and a banana clutched in hand, and I couldn’t muster a smile when he greeted me with an arched eyebrow.

  “What?”

  “I didn’t say anything.” He shifted in his chair and watched as I sat. “Are you feeling okay? You look a little pale.”

  “I had a long night.”

  “Braden?”

  I wanted to slap the smug smile off his face. “No. Braden dropped me off around nine. Nothing happened. I wish you would let that go.”

  “I’ll let it go when you admit you like him.”

  “Well, then you’ll be waiting for a long time.”

  “I very much doubt that.” His eyes never left my face. “Seriously, are you okay? You look as if you’re about to boot.”

  Confused, I glanced at my feet. “Boot what? Do you mean kick someone? I don’t have the energy for that ... at least not yet.”

  He chuckled loudly. “That’s not what I was referring to. If you feel the need to kick someone, I would like to point you elsewhere. I simply meant that you look sick to your stomach.”

  “Oh, boot. You mean like throw up.”

  “I do, although I’m not a fan of talking about it.”

  That made two of us. “I don’t think I’m going to throw up, although my stomach is a little iffy. I had the weirdest dream last night, and that’s after all the ghosts lined up on the water to beg me to help them.”

  Oliver’s body was stiff as he swiveled and faced me head on. “Excuse me?”

  I told him about the previous night, leaving nothing out — except some of the flirting Braden and I had shared, because that was opening a topic I didn’t want to deal with — and when I was finished he was thoughtful.

  “Do you think it was really him?”

  “In my dreams? No. I think it was me trying to work out all the crap in my head. I don’t get the ghosts. I mean ... they shouldn’t be here. I don’t understand why they are. Why did Lauren drop dead on the aquarium floor without a soul? I mean ... her soul was already gone. I should’ve realized that at the time, but I was in such shock I didn’t think about it.”

  “I didn’t think about it either,” Oliver admitted. “It’s not our job to absorb souls, so I can see why we overlooked what should’ve been obvious. Still, ... tell me about Ryan Carroll. What have you learned about him?”

  “Not much. He was an enigma. I’m pretty sure he was mentally ill. From what his drunken great-granddaughter told me, he abandoned his family and was paranoid people wanted to kill him. He was terrified of death and wanted to fight it off.”

  “Most people in that situation become wraiths.”

  “They do, but Carroll was a reaper. He had to know that wasn’t a true life. I’m sure most of the other people who decided to become wraiths to stave off death thought for sure it would be different for them, that they would somehow be able to control things and essentially have the same life they did before.

  “Carroll knew better,” I continued. “He understood that he wasn’t going to be able to make that work. So, if he wanted to live, he had to find another way. We know he apparently was going through books at the main office library — and not returning some, which has Cillian cursing his very existence — but I can’t think of another way to extend your life that doesn’t involve fracturing your soul. Can you?”

  “Actually, I can. I’m a vampire, which means I will live forever unless something happens to end my life. And I still have a soul.”

  “Huh.” I hadn’t considered that. “How long have you been a vampire?”

  “My whole life.”

  “You were bitten as a baby?”

  “Not all vampires are bitten. Some are born. The stronger ones, in fact, are born. There are very few lines left, though, who manage to procreate that way.”

  “Why? Were they killed?”

  “Some,” he acknowledged. “Some simply chose not to procreate. Others still haven’t decided either way about procreating. When you live forever, there’s often no reason to hurry things along.”

  “What about you? I mean ... I know you’re gay, so the basics of child creation are probably the same. You can’t have a baby with another male vampire. Can’t you get, like, a vampire surrogate or something?”

  He snorted. “I’ve never really considered it. I thought I didn’t like children ... until I spent some time with you back then. Even then, while I enjoyed your boundless energy, I was always happy to retreat to my home, which was quiet and devoid of toys.”

  “So ... no kids for you,” I mused. “You bring up a good point, though. If Carroll really wanted to live forever, why not track down a vampire and make a deal? He could never become a born vampire, but a bitten one ... those vampires can live forever, too, right?”

  “Yes.” He nodded. “They’re often mentally unstable after a few hundred years and willingly greet the sun when they get despondent, but that’s still a possibility.”

  “But he didn’t want to do it.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “That means he chose another way, because I’m certain that he at least tried to enact some sort of spell. That’s why this is happening. That’s why the ghosts are here. The question is: Have they always been here?”

  “I can’t answer that, but I’m leaning toward no,” Oliver replied. “I think I would’ve seen them if that were the case.”

  “So why are they here now?”

  “I don’t know. As for Carroll, I knew him – a little.”

  My stomach somersaulted. Every time I thought Oliver was done surprising me, he proved me wrong. “You’re kidding. You were around back then?”

  “I was. The gate has always fascinated me. I uprooted my life so I could always be in close proximity.”

  “Did Carroll visit often during his tenure?”

  “Not at first. Back in those days, reapers almost never visited the gate. There was no reason and the office bigwigs thought it best to keep the departments separate. Still, at one point he was forced to drop something off ... and I’ll never forget his face the first time he saw the gate.”

  “Was he entranced?”

  “To say the least.”

  “So, what happened?”

  “He started making excuses for why he had to visit more often. He would voluntarily bring us souls rather than utilizing the provided runners from the front office, say he was in the neighborhood. Each time he showed up, he spent hours simply staring at the gate. I thought perhaps he saw something that the rest of us couldn’t, but then I realized that wasn’t why he stared. He only saw possibilities.

  “After that, he started making noise about the library,” he continued. “He spent a lot of time researching things in there. You should know that library was the main library for a long time. It was only after it was closed that the big library, the one you know now, took center stage.”

  I was confused. “Why did they close the library here?” The hole from the library, which had only been rediscovered weeks before, remained. I hadn’t heard what was going to happen to the space and I’d almost managed to push it out of my mind.

  “I wasn’t in on the decision-making about the library,” Oliver answered, averting his gaze.

  “But you know, don’t you?”

  “I have my suspicions. That’s not the same as knowing.”

  “Yeah,
well ... I want to know. Did it have something to do with Carroll?”

  “It had something to do with the gatekeeper at the time,” he clarified. “Peter Washington. That was his name. He was the amiable sort, although a little goofy if you spent too much time talking to him. I thought he had the perfect personality to serve as gatekeeper ... until he started spending a lot of time with Carroll.”

  Ah, we were finally getting somewhere. “Did they hatch a plan together? Did they decide to cast a spell so they could live forever?”

  “I don’t know. I was only part-time back then. I spent twenty hours a week at the gate and another twenty at the conservatory. In those days, the conservatory was the big draw on the island. It’s fallen into some disarray since, especially because a lot of the more popular flowers that were kept inside were wiped out by a weird fungus years ago.”

  “No offense, but I don’t really care about fungus right now,” I said. “I care about Washington and Carroll. You said they became friends and that somehow that led to the library closing. I need to know how ... and why.”

  “All I know is that they had a big fight ... and then Peter disappeared. Carroll was banned from the property weeks before the big blowout, but he refused to stay away. He was caught trespassing one evening. I was not here and don’t know the specifics. Two days later, the library was walled off and we were instructed to never ask about it again.”

  Oh, well, that was weird. “That can’t be right.”

  “And yet that’s what happened.”

  “There has to be more.”

  “I have nothing to give you. If you want answers, you’ll have to climb the reaper food chain or find them someplace else. I honestly can’t help you.”

  Well, that was a bummer.

  Seventeen

  I’d almost forgotten Braden promised he was going to show up for lunch ... until Aidan appeared with takeout.

  “I don’t understand.” I glanced around, searching the spot over his shoulder for his mischievous older brother. “Not that I’m not happy to see you or anything, but what are you doing here?”

  Aidan’s smile was enigmatic. “Braden got called away on a job. He was angry, fought really hard to force one of us to do it, but he lost. As payback, he made me agree to bring you lunch.”

  The explanation did little to ease my confusion. “I still don’t understand.” When I opened the bag he handed me, a heavenly scent wafted through the room. “Gumbo,” I said on an exhale, my mouth instantly watering. “Where did he get gumbo?”

  “There’s a place in Macomb County,” Aidan replied, his lips twitching as he watched me. “He made me drive out of my way to pick it up for you.”

  “Oh, well ... .” I had no idea what to say. Despite my best efforts, my heart was melting.

  “There’s a note inside, too,” Aidan offered helpfully, slanting his eyes to the left at the sound of a noise and frowning when he realized Jerry, who he had brought with him, was trying to climb over the caution tape to check out the library. “What are you doing?”

  “There’s a room over here,” Jerry replied simply.

  “I know there’s a room over there. It’s the library I was telling you about.”

  “I want to see it.”

  “I don’t think you’re supposed to see it. They haven’t decided what they’re going to do with it yet.”

  “I still want to see it.” Jerry wasn’t the type to be dissuaded — he had a lot of natural energy — and he disappeared behind the hanging plastic curtain at the back of the room. “Oh, it’s dirty.”

  Aidan shook his head and shot me an embarrassed smile. “I’m sorry. He’s enthusiastic about stuff.”

  I waved off the apology and dug in the bag. “It’s fine. As far as I can tell, there’s nothing that can hurt him over there. Although ... I did just learn that Carroll was one of the reasons the library was closed, so there could be a ghost or two hanging around I don’t know about.”

  Aidan was taken aback. “What?”

  I jerked a thumb toward Oliver, who was steadfastly studying his computer screen as names of the recently departed scrolled by and he marked them off a list. “He was here back in the day. He knew Ryan Carroll a little. I just found this out.”

  “Interesting.” Aidan rested his hip on the corner of the desk and smiled. “Don’t forget the note. He agonized over writing it for a full ten minutes.”

  My cheeks burned as Oliver’s gaze slowly slid to me. I pretended I didn’t notice I was suddenly the focal point in the room and rummaged in the bag until I came up with a small notecard. The message inside was simple, and it was egotistic enough to make me laugh out loud.

  “What does it say?” Aidan asked, curiosity etching its way across his handsome face. “He wouldn’t tell me.”

  “It’s nothing.” I moved to tuck the card away, but Aidan snagged it before I could.

  “Sorry, but it’s the little brother’s prerogative to torture an older brother.” He furrowed his brow when he read the lone line aloud. “‘You’re definitely going to ask me.’” His lavender eyes flicked to me. “What does that mean?”

  I shrugged and grabbed back the card. Sentimentality ruled when I tucked it in my pocket, although I was starting to get beyond the point of caring. “It’s a private joke.”

  Oliver snorted, which I pretended I didn’t hear, as I focused on opening the gumbo container. It obviously wasn’t authentic — nothing can match New Orleans gumbo, after all — but whoever made it put in a good effort; it was the closest thing to home I’d managed to smell since landing in Michigan.

  “This was really sweet of him,” I admitted after a beat. I was mostly talking to myself, but I said the words out loud. “I can’t believe he thought to do this.”

  “You’re telling me.” Aidan was blasé. “Braden was always the brother I could count on to be self-absorbed. If he’s starting to care about others more than himself, that means I’ll have to start paying more attention to the things he says.”

  As far as I could tell, the Grimlocks were all about big boasts and bravado. I had no doubt Aidan loved all his siblings, including Braden, but he felt exposed on his brother’s behalf having to be the one to deliver the gumbo. He wanted to make sure things didn’t get too poignant on his watch. I didn’t blame him.

  “Don’t worry. Braden’s secret is safe with me.” I slipped the provided spoon into the gumbo and carefully tested it, grinning at the strong roux flavor that assailed my senses. “It’s good. It’s not perfect — maybe I will make some authentic gumbo for you guys one day — but it’s pretty good.”

  Aidan grinned. “Yeah, well ... apparently my brother knows the way to your heart.”

  I stilled. “Oh, well ... .”

  “Don’t get all weird,” Aidan admonished, straightening. “I was just making an observation. There’s nothing wrong with it. Obviously you and Braden have been spending a lot of time together.”

  “A great deal of time,” Oliver agreed, his lips curving. “I believe she spent the night at his house the other evening.”

  “Oh, I already knew that,” Aidan said. “We were all there. Braden still lives with my father, and because the baby has been a screaming wreck, Aisling and Griffin have essentially moved in for the short haul so they can have help at the ready. My father is tickled they’re there. If he could find a way to get them to move in full time, he would totally ignore the perverted things he believes Griffin says to my sister on a daily basis and spoil Lily rotten.”

  “Wait ... Braden still lives with his father?” Oliver appeared troubled at the news and his opinion was obvious when he glanced at me. “I take it back. Perhaps you should start looking elsewhere for a paramour.”

  “It’s fine.” I continued eating as I talked, not caring in the least that it might be considered rude. “Cormack has a freaking castle — no, I’m not joking, it’s huge — and Redmond lives there, too. They’re like roommates with servants.”

  “It’s honestly fine,�
�� Aidan offered. “I lived there until I moved in with Jerry about a year and a half ago. Cillian has been out for only a few months. He actually tried to move Maya in because it would save them both money — and he loves my father’s library — but Maya wanted a place closer to the hospital. They still spend nights there all the time when Maya isn’t on call.”

  “And now your sister, her husband and a baby have moved in.” Oliver’s distaste was obvious. “How very Brady Bunch of you.”

  Aidan snickered. “We’re co-dependent. There’s no getting around that.” He craned his head as he stared at the opening Jerry disappeared through. “You’re sure there’s nothing he can hurt himself with back there?”

  “I don’t see how,” I replied. “It’s just dusty old books.”

  “And it was closed off because of Carroll?” Aidan met Oliver’s even gaze. “Why?”

  “I don’t know. There were rumors ... but I can’t answer that question no matter how many different people ask me. Even back then Carroll had a terrible reputation.”

  “Meaning?”

  “People knew he was trying to find a way to extend his life. His paranoia was legendary. People had started whispering about the way he was hanging around the gate in his spare time, to the detriment of his family. He was a womanizer who stopped worrying about women and focused on the hereafter. He was considered a bit of a loon, if you want to know the truth.”

  “We’ve already heard the loon stories,” I acknowledged. “Braden and I ran into Angelina last night at the bar. She said that she barely knew him and that his claim to fame was essentially rampant paranoia. It sounds to me like he was mentally ill.

  “That said, he apparently made friends with one of the former gatekeepers,” I continued. “They spent a lot of time here, in the library, and the gatekeeper disappeared at some point.”

  “Was this before or after Carroll disappeared?” Aidan asked.

  “Before.”

  “And they spent a lot of time in the library?” Aidan’s expression was hard to read when he turned back in that direction. “Have you spent much time in there since it was opened?”