All My Witches (A Wicked Witches of the Midwest Fantasy Book 5) Read online

  “I don’t know. It’s worth a shot.”

  “Okay.” Thistle flexed her fingers. “I suggest we start with the urinary tract infection spell and then tilt it into the nails on a chalkboard chant. That’s always a crowd pleaser.”

  I watched Nikki’s eyes for signs of recognition, but she didn’t so much as bat an eyelash.

  “It won’t work on her,” I announced, drawing multiple sets of eyes to me. “She’s not real.”

  “How can you be sure?” Landon asked.

  “And even if you are sure, why don’t we test the curses anyway?” Thistle suggested.

  I ignored her evil smile. “She’s just an empty vessel. It’s kind of like she’s a character in a computer game. She can only do what she’s programmed to do. She’s not Aunt Tillie. The woman at the church was Aunt Tillie.”

  “I’m not doubting you,” Landon said, “but how can you be absolutely sure?”

  “Because the Aunt Tillie at the church didn’t have to stick to a script,” I replied. “She could say and do what she wanted. She knew I was upset about the wedding, that I felt it was a bit cruel. She wanted to make sure I knew why she did it.”

  “And why was that?”

  “Because she knew that no matter how much I love and trust you, there was a part of me that worried you wouldn’t be there when I turned that corner.” I saw no reason to lie. “The biggest part of my heart knew you’d be there, and yet there was this little shard that started poking my innards when I saw your reaction to finding out she expected us to pretend to get married.”

  “Bay, I reacted that way because I thought it was cruel and mean for both of us,” Landon explained. “It’s not that I don’t want to … .” He broke off.

  “I know it was mean.” I softened my voice. “I don’t think she meant for it to be mean, though. It was supposed to be an exercise in acceptance.”

  “I understand that, but it was still mean.” Landon pushed himself to a standing position, ignoring the way Nikki glared after him. “I don’t like it when she messes with us on stuff like this. I want to be able to choose our own course and not let her push us. I think that’s fair.”

  I squeezed his hand. “It’s more than fair. But that exercise was for me, not you. I’m sorry you got caught up in it.”

  “You think I don’t get it, but I do.” Landon lowered his voice as he leaned closer. “You’re working hard not to worry about me disappearing. You’re almost there. Aunt Tillie wanted to push you over the edge.”

  He understood more than I ever gave him credit for. I was always amazed when he figured things out, as if he could see directly inside my soul.

  “It was still a little mean,” Landon said. “But I get it. As for the other thing … I’m always going to be there.”

  “I know.” I smiled. “I think I’ve known since the moment you came back, although I didn’t want to allow myself to believe it.”

  “Oh, will someone please gag me?” Nikki complained. “I can’t watch one more second of this tripe.”

  “Join the club,” Thistle said dryly. “Can you two stop stroking each other and focus on the bigger picture? We need this Aunt Tillie to take us to the other Aunt Tillie so we can take down the main Aunt Tillie. That won’t happen if we keep hanging out here.”

  “Did you follow that logic?” Landon asked.

  I nodded. “Sadly, I did. She’s right. We have to find the other Aunt Tillie. The most evil one.”

  “What will you do when you find her?” Nikki asked.

  “What do you want us to do?”

  “Make her pay for putting me in the well.”

  “We can do that.” I tilted my head to the side. “We need you to tell us where they are if you expect us to help you get your revenge.”

  Nikki blew out a sigh. “Fine. I’ll tell you. In fact, I’ll do better than that. I’ll show you.”

  And just like that, I knew we were back on track. “Then let’s do it.”

  NIKKI LED US THROUGH the woods, sticking close to the path as she cast the occasional derogatory look in my direction. I finally couldn’t take her cold silence any longer, so I decided to engage with her.

  “What do you know about me?”

  “You were married to my nephew until you divorced him for that one.” She jerked her thumb in Landon’s direction. “My nephew was a complete and total psychopath. He impregnated women and threw bar glasses across the room for sport. All he had going for him was a nice set of dimples.”

  “I didn’t really know him very well. I can’t comment on his character.”

  “You were married to him.”

  “It’s difficult to explain.”

  “Well, I knew him,” Nikki said. “He was a pus-filled little jerkwad. I always hated him.”

  “Even before the brain transplant?”

  “He was worse before the brain transplant.”

  “Well, I guess I’m glad I didn’t know him then.”

  “Yeah, he was a real piece of work.” Nikki leaned closer. “But he was nowhere near the douche that guy is.”

  I knew she was talking about Landon. The jab should’ve upset me, but it didn’t. I figured she was merely spouting the script Aunt Tillie wrote for her. “I guess, from your point of view, that’s probably true.”

  “What about from your point of view?”

  “He’s a hero. He’s my hero.”

  Nikki smirked. “I guess there are two sides to everything?”

  “I guess so.”

  The rest of the trip took only five minutes. By the time we hit a cabin – one that wasn’t much different from the one we were at previously – I started to get a feeling for what we were up against. The landscape, which had been lush and full of color only moments before, was now covered with a powdery substance that couldn’t exactly be described as snow.

  “What is this?” Landon leaned over and ran his fingers through the substance. “It’s not even wet. It’s like … laundry detergent flakes or something. In fact … .” He lifted his fingers to his nose and sniffed. “It smells like laundry detergent.”

  “And it’s not cold,” Thistle noted, lifting her head to the sky. “It feels exactly the same as it did before, only there’s snow.”

  “Where else would Aunt Tillie hole up to make snow sharks?” I asked.

  Landon dropped the fake snow on the ground and made a face. “Are sharks going to hop up out of this stuff and try to eat us?”

  “That might be fun,” Thistle said, staring into the white fluff. “At least this stupid story would go out with a bang.”

  “Do you think this is it?” Marcus was hopeful. “Is this the end?”

  I nodded. “This is the big finale. What else has she been building toward if not this?”

  “Then let’s get this done.” Marcus was more determined than I’d ever seen him. “I’m so ready to get home.”

  “You realize we’re probably still going to wake up with hangovers, right?” Thistle prodded.

  “I don’t care.” Marcus was firm. “A hangover is better than this. I’m ready to be done.”

  “Then let’s be done,” a woman announced as she strolled out of the bushes to our right. Because they were barren and provided minimal cover, I had trouble believing she’d been there the entire time. Of course, that hardly mattered now.

  When she turned, when her gaze landed on me and then Landon, I realized we weren’t quite yet done with the drama.

  “Oh, crap!” I made a face as I shook my head. “Why are you back?”

  Eden offered me a chilly smile before her expression warmed and she focused on Landon. “It’s been a long time, Jericho.”

  “It has,” Landon agreed. “It’s been, like, three hours.”

  “It’s been three years,” Eden corrected, her temper flashing. “I mean … I spent one year locked in a cave with a mountain man who turned out to have a heart of gold before he died, another year working as a waitress on an island after a bout of amnesia and then an
other full year dealing with the aftermath of my return from the dead.

  “Speaking of that, shouldn’t you be surprised to see me?” she continued. “The last time we interacted was the day before I fell from a bridge and it was assumed I’d died in the water below. It should’ve been a traumatic experience for you.”

  “Oh, right.” Landon slid me a sidelong look before making the universal “she’s loopy” sign and twirling his finger close to his ear. “I was totally gutted about that. I felt terrible about your death.”

  “Yes, and this is supposed to be our big reunion,” Eden said. “You’re supposed to take one look at me, fall to your knees, burst into tears and propose.”

  Landon raised an eyebrow. “And who told you that?”

  “Um … the script.” Eden made a face. “The only reason I came back was to make sure I was billed as the leading lady. Geez.”

  “Aunt Tillie’s world is starting to fall apart,” I noted. “This happened in the fairytale world, too. The actors became real and the bleeding was pronounced at the end.”

  “That’s music to my ears,” Landon said. “But we still have to get through this scene. We still have to get our hands on Aunt Tillie.”

  “Why do you think I’m here?” Eden asked. “I’m the one who is going to catch her.”

  “In a weird way it makes sense,” Clove offered. “She was one of the first people we saw. We’ve come full circle. Now she’s here at the end.”

  “Let’s hope this really is the end,” Sam said. “I can’t take much more of this.”

  “None of us can,” Landon said. “Trust me. The last thing I wanted to see was this crazy chick.” He gestured toward Eden. “But we’re here. If we work together, we’ll get home. We need to believe in that and refrain from fighting from here on out.”

  “That sounds like absolutely no fun,” Thistle complained. “In fact … .” She didn’t get a chance to finish what she was saying because Eden picked that moment to lash out and smack Landon across the face.

  He wasn’t expecting it, so he rocked back on his heels, instinctively reaching up to touch the spot where she’d struck him. “What the … ?”

  “That’s for moving on when you should’ve been pining for me,” Eden announced.

  “Yeah, I’m done here.” Landon’s frustration was so strong it practically slapped me across the face. “We need to end this.”

  “I think you’re going to get your wish,” Nikki said, lifting her hand and pointing toward the cabin. “There she is.”

  I jerked my gaze to where she pointed, my heart leaping at the sight of Aunt Tillie. She stood in a slinky black gown and held what looked to be a large diamond in her hand. She smiled as she scanned faces, evil delight flitting through her eyes.

  “I see you’ve come to stop me,” she announced. “I won’t go quietly.”

  “Oh, we don’t want you to go quietly,” Thistle snapped. “We want you to scream, yell and cry.” She moved toward Aunt Tillie. “We want you to beg.”

  “Then come and get me.” Aunt Tillie turned and ran, showing a bolt of speed that shouldn’t have been possible given her age.

  Thistle moved to give chase, along with Eden, who was quick to follow, but I grabbed Thistle’s arm and held her back.

  “What are you doing?” Thistle sputtered. “We have to catch her.”

  “That’s not her.”

  “Yes, it is. You saw her. She had the diamond.”

  “That’s not her.” I looked to Nikki for confirmation. “That’s Marlena Bauer. That’s the most evil corner of the triangle.”

  “How can you be sure?” Landon asked.

  “Because that’s Aunt Tillie.” I inclined my chin to the front door, to where the Aunt Tillie we recognized from the real world stepped through the door. She wore camouflage pants, a combat helmet and carried what looked to be a ray gun of some sort.

  “That is her,” Landon said, pursing his lips. “She used the other woman as a decoy.”

  “So what do we do?” Clove asked. “I mean … do we chase her?”

  “That’s not necessary,” Thistle announced, putting her head down as she headed in Aunt Tillie’s direction. “I’ve got this.”

  “Wait!”

  It was too late. Thistle was determined. She wasn’t about to give up until she had Aunt Tillie in her clutches.

  “Should we follow?” Landon asked, deferring to me.

  I had no idea how. “I guess so. I mean … I don’t know what else to do.”

  So that’s what we did. We chased after Aunt Tillie, who made a big show of running around the cabin while trying not to get too far ahead or make any sudden moves that might allow her to escape. She didn’t drop the ray gun until Thistle launched herself at Aunt Tillie’s diminutive form.

  The two bodies hit with a loud thud. Aunt Tillie was solid, but Thistle was fueled by ultimate rage. Aunt Tillie conveniently landed in a huge pile of snow. Thankfully there was no shark to go with it. When she hit, her breath was knocked out of her lungs and Thistle had an easy time rolling her onto her back.

  Thistle straddled Aunt Tillie, holding her arms to the ground and slamming her butt down to keep Aunt Tillie pinned every time our elderly great-aunt tried to buck her.

  “Knock it off!” Thistle ordered, her tone authoritative. “It’s time to go home.”

  Aunt Tillie snorted. She didn’t look particularly perturbed about being caught. “Not yet.”

  “It’s time,” Thistle said. “We’re done. We don’t want to stay.”

  “The story isn’t done yet,” Aunt Tillie argued.

  “We caught you before you made snow sharks a reality,” Thistle challenged. “The story is done.”

  “Of course it’s not.”

  “But … .” Thistle was helpless when she turned to me. “You said this was the end.”

  Apparently I’d miscalculated. “What else is there left to do?”

  “Why, I have to face trial, of course.” Aunt Tillie beamed. “I need my day in court.”

  Oh, well, crap! I definitely should’ve seen that coming. If there’s one thing Aunt Tillie loves more than soaps, it’s old Matlock episodes.

  “Is she saying what I think she’s saying?” Landon asked.

  I nodded, my stomach twisting.

  “Well, that’s just great.” Landon glared at Aunt Tillie. “I hope you know you’re on my list.”

  “I’m looking forward to seeing what you do with that, Sparky.” Aunt Tillie happily wiggled her hips. “I can’t wait to get on the witness stand. It’ll be epic.”

  Something told me it was going to be something other than epic.

  This show keeps making a big deal about multiple personalities, but I feel like I have them every month during PMS. It’s not a big deal. Take some Midol and grab a heating pad, and you’ll be fine in three hours.

  – Bay on soap opera mental health

  Nineteen

  “I’m so tired.”

  The trip the courthouse was short. The soap opera authorities – who looked as if they couldn’t keep a cardboard box safe, let alone contain Aunt Tillie – collected her by the door and whisked her to whatever holding cell they kept in the back. She shot me a triumphant look as she walked away, as if this was always what she wanted.

  That made me inexplicably nervous.

  “Come here.” Landon sat on a courtroom bench and lifted his arm so I could skirt underneath it. “What hurts?”

  The question caught me off guard. “Is something supposed to hurt?”

  “I mean your neck and shoulders.”

  “Oh. My shoulders. This doesn’t count as part of the massage you owe me.”

  “Of course not.” Landon dug his fingers into the sore spot between my shoulder blades, eliciting a moan for his efforts. “See, why would I want to cut down on that noise in the future?”

  I offered up a rueful look. “You’re kind of a pervert.”

  “I’m just trying to look forward to finally getting
out of here.”

  “I’m sorry about that.”

  “Sorry about what?”

  “I thought the scene at the cottage was the end. Apparently I was wrong.”

  “Yeah, well, you can’t be right all of the time.” Landon pressed a kiss to the back of my head and then continued rubbing. “What do you think she’s going to do now?”

  “I think she wants to get on the witness stand and do a Jack Nicholson.”

  Landon furrowed his brow. “You mean from A Few Good Men?”

  “Pretty much. She’s always loved that scene. This is her chance to do her version of it.”

  “That’s a terrifying thought.” Landon rolled his neck until it cracked. “Do you think that will be the end?”

  “I hope so.”

  “But do you think it will be?”

  “I thought the cabin would be the end, so what do I know?”

  Landon heaved out a sigh and pulled me in for a hug. “We’re close. It won’t be long now. I can feel it.”

  “Yeah, I’m almost looking forward to the hangover I’m going to have when I wake up.”

  “I’ll tell you one thing, I’ve learned my lesson about drinking in a house with that woman,” Landon said. “From now on when we get rip-roaring drunk and decide to dance, it’s going to be under our own roof. Oh, and we’ll be naked when it happens.”

  I might’ve been exhausted, but I was genuinely amused at the way his mind worked. “Good plan.”

  “Thank you.”

  We lapsed into comfortable silence, Marcus and Thistle paired off to the left and Clove and Sam to the right. As if tied together, we jerked our heads to the back of the courtroom at the sound of footsteps. I could only sigh when I saw the well-dressed woman in the smart business suit heading in our direction.

  “This is definitely the end,” Thistle noted when she caught sight of the woman. “She’s cast Aunt Willa in this one. There must be a reason.”

  “She’s Aunt Tillie’s ultimate enemy,” I agreed. “I’m guessing she’s the prosecuting attorney. It only makes sense that it would be Aunt Willa pushing her on the stand when she gets her big moment.”