[A Wicked Witches of the Midwest 10.0] Murder Most Witchy Read online

  “Well, great,” Landon muttered.

  “We’ll shower and be downstairs in twenty minutes,” I said, hoping to head off a larger argument. “I’m pretty hungry.”

  “That universal truth of yours isn’t true,” Landon added.

  “Oh, whatever.” Aunt Tillie smiled as she stood, clearly happy to have gotten under Landon’s skin with minimal effort. “We all know that’s why detectives carry around magnifying glasses. Don’t dilly-dally, by the way. I’m hungry, but Winnie says we can’t eat until you guys are downstairs.”

  “Maybe I’ll take my time just to torture you,” Landon called to her back. “How would you like that?”

  “Winnie made a double load of bacon.”

  Landon’s face was so adorable I had to force myself to keep from kissing it.

  “We’ll be down in fifteen minutes,” Landon said, resigned. He waited until Aunt Tillie shut the door to turn his full attention to me. “I hate the fact that she knows exactly how to irritate me. It’s like her superpower.”

  I grinned. “She has many superpowers.”

  “Which is why I’m glad she’s on our side.” Landon kissed the corner of my mouth before bolting out of bed. “Now, hurry up. Breakfast awaits, and I’ve been dreaming of bacon, eggs and hash browns for a month. It’s going to take me days to catch up.”

  “What kind of foods didn’t you dream about while you were gone?” I was genuinely curious.

  Landon answered without hesitation. “Sauerkraut.”

  “Good to know.”

  THE TABLE was packed with expectant faces, Chief Terry, Clove, Sam and Thistle joining the regular players. I flashed a grateful smile and kissed Chief Terry on the cheek before sitting.

  “Are you okay?” He’d been completely miffed at the state police’s gall while searching the family living quarters. We finally had to force him to leave because I feared he’d have a heart attack if he didn’t calm down. “Everything turned out all right, so there’s no reason to worry.”

  “Everything is hardly all right,” Chief Terry said gruffly, although he patted my hand. “I heard all about how they didn’t find anything. They ate dinner at the diner and complained very loudly to one another about it.”

  I lifted an eyebrow, surprised. “Who told you that?”

  “I have spies everywhere, missy.” Chief Terry tapped the end of my nose before pouring me a glass of tomato juice. He knew it was my favorite, and appeared to be in doting mode. “You look better. Did you get a good night’s sleep?”

  “I did,” I confirmed, bobbing my head. “I think I slept a full ten hours.”

  “That means you needed it,” Mom said, handing Landon the platter of bacon and shaking her head when he grabbed a fistful. “We have tongs.”

  “I’m simply streamlining the process,” Landon said, unbothered by the fact that his eating habits caused Mom to make faces. “Other than the fact that they didn’t find anything – and really, what did they expect to find here? – did you hear any other gossip?”

  Chief Terry stared at Landon for a long moment. I could practically see the internal debate flitting through his eyes. I decided to finally put an end to this problem.

  “Chief Terry, you can’t be angry at Landon,” I scolded. “He didn’t do anything wrong. This isn’t his fault.”

  “He didn’t call when he should have,” Clove reminded me. “That was wrong.”

  “Yes, and we’ve talked about that,” I said. “He couldn’t get away and he didn’t want to ask Chief Terry to act as a gopher given … well, given the fact that Chief Terry is like a father to me.”

  I knew it was emotionally manipulative, but Chief Terry went positively gooey whenever I referred to him as my father figure. I was hopeful that today would be no different. I really needed him to forgive Landon. Apparently it worked.

  “Oh, geez.” Chief Terry pinched the bridge of his nose. “You think I don’t know what you’re doing, but I do.”

  I feigned ignorance. “What are you talking about? Do you not want me to think of you that way?”

  “Oh, and here are the wide eyes,” Chief Terry muttered. “I hate those wide eyes. All three of you used them when you were kids – Clove often added tears. You know I’m a sucker for the wide eyes.”

  “I do.” I gripped his hand before he could grab his fork. “It’s not Landon’s fault. None of this is.”

  Chief Terry licked his lips as he stared at his coffee mug. “I know that, Bay,” he said finally. “You could’ve died in that guesthouse, though. The only reason you’re alive is because someone decided to play a game rather than hit Landon where it really hurt.

  “Have you considered that this individual only went after you because Landon was undercover and they wanted to teach him a lesson?” he continued. “Have you considered that he could’ve killed you – or done something almost as bad – when you were unconscious?”

  I had considered both of those scenarios. “Yes. I was lucky.”

  “You don’t seem all that lucky when I look at the bruises around your throat.”

  “It doesn’t feel lucky to me either,” Landon interjected. “Bay, you had a right to be angry with me because of what happened. We’ve talked about this. Chief Terry has the same right. You can’t act as mediator for everything.”

  “I’m not acting as mediator,” I countered, my temper flaring. “We have enough going on without you two at odds. I want you to make up.”

  “Well, maybe Chief Terry isn’t ready to make up,” Landon suggested. “It doesn’t seem fair to force him, does it?”

  Probably not, but that wouldn’t stop me. “Please make up?” I pressed my hands together in a reflection of prayer. “Please. Pretty please with sugar on top. Puh-leez.”

  Chief Terry was laughing by the time I finished, shaking his head as he leaned back in his chair. “Okay, Bay. I forgive Landon. All is right with the world again … except the fact that you’re a murder suspect and in danger of losing your job.” His eyes darkened at the last part.

  “Yeah, well, Brian Kelly is low on my list right now,” I said, sobering. “I need to get a copy of that will, by the way. You said you would look for it once the state police were off the property.”

  “You don’t need to worry about Brian Kelly,” Chief Terry stressed. “I will handle Brian Kelly.”

  His vehemence caught me off guard. “What do you mean?”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Chief Terry said. “I had a meeting with a few local business owners yesterday afternoon. Brian Kelly is not going to be an issue.”

  That sounded ominous. Apparently Aunt Tillie thought so, too.

  “Do you need to borrow my shovel?” Aunt Tillie asked, perking up. “I found it, by the way. Someone keeps hiding it, but I have it now. I was thinking we could put him at Hollow Creek. It smells as bad as he does, so he’d fit right in.”

  “I don’t think that will be necessary,” Chief Terry said.

  “What do you mean?” I pressed, curious. “Who did you meet with?”

  Chief Terry waved off the question. “That doesn’t matter now. What matters is that we keep you safe and find a killer.”

  “It also matters that the state police seem fixated on Bay to the detriment of investigating anything or anyone else,” Landon added, licking his finger after finishing his last slice of bacon. “They’re not going to look for the real culprit because Davis is trying to rise through the ranks. I talked to a guy I know in the state police yesterday. Davis thinks solving a high-profile murder is his ticket to early promotion. He’s not interested in looking beyond Bay.”

  “That means we have to,” Chief Terry said. “Don’t worry. I’ve got people watching the troopers and Agent Glenn.”

  And the surprises simply kept rolling in. “You have people watching the cops and an FBI agent? Where are you getting these people?”

  “I know people.” Chief Terry offered a wink. “Davis and Glenn got rooms in town last night. They’re staying at t
he same inn, which means they’re working in lock-step on every avenue of this investigation.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding.” Landon’s temper flared. “That’s just … freaking annoying. What inn?”

  “I’ll give you two guesses,” Chief Terry replied. “You’ll only need one, though.”

  Things clicked into place fairly quickly. “The Dragonfly,” I muttered, exhaling heavily. “Of course it would be the Dragonfly. They want to question Dad about me, and that’s the easiest way to do it.”

  After years away, my father and uncles had returned to town several months ago and opened their own inn. The Dragonfly was popular and getting good word of mouth, but it was nowhere near as popular as The Overlook – which was exactly how my mother and aunts liked things.

  “This sucks,” I complained. “I haven’t even bothered to tell Dad I’m a murder suspect and they’re already out there questioning him.”

  “Yeah, but they’re not staying.” Landon’s voice was cold as he grabbed more bacon from the platter. “I won’t allow it.”

  “You can’t force my father to kick them out,” I argued.

  “I wouldn’t bet on that,” Landon muttered. “Eat your breakfast, sweetie. Make sure you fuel up. As soon as we’re done here we’re heading out there.”

  “And what?” I didn’t want to cause a scene. “My father isn’t going to just do what you want because you ask nicely – or more likely yell.”

  “We won’t know until we try,” Landon said. “Eat your breakfast. I’m not joking about needing your strength.”

  I wanted to argue further, but it seemed pointless. I mashed my eggs and hash browns together, and forked up a huge hunk of the mixture.

  “This day is going to blow, isn’t it?”

  “I wouldn’t say that,” Aunt Tillie answered. “I found my shovel and my list is full. From where I’m sitting, it’s going to be a good day.”

  “Maybe we should switch seats.”

  “Then I wouldn’t be having a good day, and we both know it’s all about me.”

  Well, she wasn’t wrong.

  Twenty

  “How do you want to handle this?”

  Chief Terry insisted on driving to the Dragonfly with us. I had a feeling he worried Landon would fly off the broom handle and beat Noah until he was a bloody stump, but I was happy for his presence. The fourth member of our hunting party was another story.

  “I think you should walk up behind him and drag his hands behind his head, like so,” Aunt Tillie answered from the passenger seat, demonstrating to the best of her ability as Landon pressed his lips together to keep from laughing. “Then, when you’ve got him so he can’t move, I’ll take over.”

  Chief Terry returned Aunt Tillie’s calm stare. “And what will you do when you take over?”

  “I will kick him in the nuts, rip out all of his body hair with the hottest wax I can find and pull out his nose hairs with tweezers,” Aunt Tillie replied. “I considered using the tweezers for all of the hair stuff, but that will take forever. We must be practical.”

  “That’s exactly what I was thinking,” Chief Terry drawled. “Okay, I like this plan. I’ll give you a signal right before I get into position.”

  I didn’t for a second believe that Chief Terry would give in to Aunt Tillie’s demands. She probably didn’t either, but she’s the type of person who continuously pushes someone until they crumble and admit defeat.

  “No, I’ll give you a signal,” Aunt Tillie corrected. “Oh, and just so you know, this constitutes a binding verbal contract – I saw that on television the other day and I’m really looking forward to taking advantage of it – and if you don’t grab Agent Asshat by the arms I will sue you for breach of contract.”

  Chief Terry remained immovable. “We both know you won’t sue me, and I haven’t ruled out grabbing that moron by the arms so you can carry out your dastardly plan. I don’t, however, need added pressure to make up my mind.”

  Aunt Tillie snorted. “You won’t let me beat him up. I know you. You’re too Law and Order when you need to embrace The Wire.”

  Chief Terry flicked his confused eyes to me. “Did she just explain something?”

  “We’ve been watching a lot of Netflix this month,” I supplied. “She lives her life by what television shows her is possible.”

  “Ah.”

  “Yes, and now that you have your love monkey back, I’m assuming I will have control of the remote control again.” Aunt Tillie puffed out her chest, haughty. “I can’t wait to go back to watching porn.”

  Chief Terry’s mouth dropped open as Landon chuckled. “You watch porn?”

  “Not since Bay has been bored and spending so much time with me,” Aunt Tillie replied. “She’s a prude who won’t watch porn. I find I’ve really missed it. The last time I ordered a pizza I didn’t even wonder for a second if the delivery boy was going to strip down and show me his sausage.”

  I pressed the heel of my hand to my forehead, my cheeks burning. “I don’t even know what to say to that.”

  “I don’t either, but now I totally want to deliver a pizza to you,” Landon said, directing me toward the Dragonfly’s front door as we hopped out of Chief Terry’s vehicle.

  “Does someone want to explain to me why we brought Tillie with us again?” Chief Terry prodded. “I know you told me at The Overlook, but the reason has escaped me between there and here.”

  “Because Noah is terrified of her,” Landon answered easily. “He prides himself on only believing what he can see, yet he knows that Aunt Tillie will essentially skin him alive if given the chance. I want him to know that we’re going to give her a chance.”

  “And you think that’s a good idea?” Chief Terry clearly wasn’t convinced. “What if Tillie turns him into a frog or something?”

  “I never bow to clichés,” Aunt Tillie countered. “If I turn him into an animal it’s going to be something fun … like a dung beetle. Or what kind of monkeys have their butts hanging out? The ones with the red behinds? I like them.”

  “Baboons,” Landon automatically answered.

  “Don’t encourage her,” I chided.

  “Yes, please don’t encourage her,” Chief Terry echoed.

  “Oh, I’m going to encourage her,” Landon muttered. “I can’t get away with punching Noah in the face without losing my job, but Aunt Tillie is a master at doing that with words and threats. I can’t wait to see what she comes up with.”

  Aunt Tillie stilled near the Dragonfly’s front door, her eyes going wide and glassy as she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Landon’s waist. I was surprised by the gesture – Aunt Tillie isn’t much of a hugger – but the look on Landon’s face told me he was ready to find a cave to hide in if the expression of affection didn’t immediately cease.

  “I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” Aunt Tillie sniffed, dabbing at her eyes. “You’re officially my favorite FBI agent ever.”

  Landon awkwardly patted her shoulder. “I … well … thank you. Is that saying much, though? Do you like any other FBI agents?”

  “Of course not.” Aunt Tillie recovered quickly and pulled back. “You know I hate ‘The Man.’ Now … let me at this one. Wait, maybe we should go back and get my shovel. I can’t believe I forgot it.”

  “THIS IS A surprise.”

  Dad’s eyebrows settled near his hairline as he opened the door and ushered our group inside. While Landon and I visited regularly – okay, we try to visit once a month and usually only on those rare occasions because Clove makes us – Chief Terry and Aunt Tillie aren’t exactly what I would call regulars at the Dragonfly.

  “Yes, well, we were in the neighborhood.” I knew the comment sounded lame, but I have an odd aversion to talking to my father as if he’s the parent and I’m a grown-up who doesn’t need his approval. He left when I was a kid – visiting every once in a while and calling once a month or so – but we didn’t have the easiest of relationships. He was de
sperate to make it better, and I was fine keeping a bit of distance and the peace between his and Mom’s sides of the family. Our mission today wouldn’t improve family relations.

  “You were in the neighborhood?” Dad’s gaze bounced between faces. “You were in the neighborhood with Landon, Terry and Tillie first thing in the morning?”

  Well, when he said it like that it sounded implausible. “Um … .”

  Landon rested his hand on my shoulder as a show of unity and fixed Dad with a calm expression. I didn’t even know he had that one in his repertoire. The fact that he could pull it out when he wanted to do serious bodily harm to Noah was impressive.

  “Actually, we need to see two of your guests,” Landon said, keeping his voice even.

  “Is this official police business?” Dad looked confused.

  “Yes,” Landon answered without hesitation.

  “No, it’s not,” Chief Terry corrected, lobbing eye daggers at Landon as he shook his head. “Technically Landon and I have been cut out of the investigation that the two individuals staying here are heading. We simply need to talk to them for a moment.”

  “Uh-huh.” Dad rubbed his chin as he glanced between Landon and Chief Terry before focusing on me. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

  That was an interesting question. “Not really.” I decided opting for the truth was in my best interests. “No matter how I explain it, I’ll end up looking bad.”

  “She’s not wrong,” Aunt Tillie said, glancing around. “This place is a hole, by the way, Jack. You should condemn it and leave town again.”

  Dad was used to Aunt Tillie’s attitude, often blaming her for his decision to leave when I was younger. I would never pretend that living with Aunt Tillie was easy. I also refused to make excuses for a father who let my great-aunt bully him out of my life.

  “The Dragonfly is fine,” I snapped. “That’s not why we’re here.”

  “And why are you here?” Dad pressed. “I’m confused, but it’s fairly obvious that something big is going on.”

  “I’m pretty sure I can answer that question.”