[Avery Shaw 11.0] Unwritten & Underwater Read online

  “That shows what you know,” Marvin sniffed, rolling his eyes. “Have I mentioned I really don’t like you sometimes?”

  “Only when you’re suffering from male PMS.”

  “I told you that’s a real thing.”

  “You’re very wise.” I rolled my neck until it cracked and shifted in my seat, debating whether or not my boss, Fred Fish, would notice if I snuck out a half hour early. He was being a real butthead of late and I wasn’t sure how far I could push him. On a normal day that wouldn’t stop me from experimenting, but because I was so close to a three-day weekend I didn’t want to risk it. “Do you think Fish would notice if we left?”

  “I think that woman is a Russian spy and she reports to Fish,” Marvin replied, his words muffled as he attempted not to move his lips as he stared at the woman behind the reception desk. I still wasn’t sure why we decided to plant ourselves in the guest chairs by the building’s front window, but it seemed likely to be the last place Fish would look for us. Plus, well, it was quiet and the air conditioning worked well. It was hot and humid in Michigan these days, and the last thing either of us wanted was to be punished with unnecessary sweating.

  I followed Marvin’s gaze. “You think Sally Winfield is a Russian spy?” I’d known the woman sitting behind the desk since I started working at The Monitor. The only thing covert about her was the fact that she smoked in her car while pretending she’d quit smoking six months ago. She wasn’t fooling anybody. “Wait … why do you think Fish is a Russian spy? He’s all about patriotism. He even has a shirt that’s made up in the colors of the American flag and he willingly wears it.”

  “That’s an act.” Marvin kept his hand over his mouth and worked tirelessly to keep his lips from moving. “What better way to make people think you’re not a spy?”

  “Uh-huh.” I remained unconvinced. “And why are you obsessed with Russian spies again?” This was a relatively new thing. Two months ago he was convinced the government had been taken over by robots from outer space when no one was looking, and he was the only one who noticed. He generally got all of his ideas from television, so I was banking on that being the answer today.

  “I saw a documentary,” Marvin replied. “Russian spies are taking over.”

  “Was this documentary on the SyFy Channel?”

  “How did you know that?”

  “Just a guess.”

  Marvin studied me for a couple of beats, giving me a long, measured look that made me shift in my chair. “Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean they’re really not out to get me.”

  I bit back a sigh. “Duly noted.” Thankfully for both of us the door next to the sitting area opened, allowing god’s gift to nature – and me – entrance to the building. That caused me to perk up almost instantaneously. “What are you doing here?”

  Eliot Kane, my boyfriend and live-in lover (yeah, I heard how lame that sounded in my own head, but it was already too late to pull it back), shifted a set of surprised eyes in my direction. He clearly didn’t see Marvin and me sitting next to the window as he walked up to the building. That’s okay. I fancy myself being observant, but I didn’t see him coming either. Because he’s built like professional athlete – a football player, not one of those wussy baseball morons – and sports a face that should be featured on a male fashion ad, that’s fairly unbelievable.

  “I didn’t see you there.” Eliot ignored the moony looking secretary and moved in our direction, dropping a quick kiss on the top of my head before sitting in the open chair to my right. “I was just about to show up and drag you out. I thought you might put up a fight at the last second about using vacation days to actually take some time off. I was ready to start flexing muscles and throwing around some impressive threats.”

  I rolled my eyes, not bothering to hide my agitation. “I’ll have you know I’m looking forward to a three-day weekend. In fact, I’ve been telling anyone who will listen.”

  “I can vouch for that,” Marvin intoned, lowering his hand. Apparently he didn’t think Sally was a Russian spy any longer. Either that or he didn’t care if the Russians knew about my vacation plans. “All she’s talked about for days is you and skinny-dipping. Frankly, it’s disgusting.”

  Instead of being offended, Eliot merely smirked. We were the proud new owners of a big house with an in-ground pool. We also had a huge flat-screen television and the first thing Eliot hooked up was my Xbox. I was officially living my childhood dream – complete with a hot boy toy who actually enjoyed spending time with me.

  “I’m excited, too.” Eliot reached over and snagged my hand. “That’s why I can’t figure out why she’s still here.” He flicked his eyes to me. “I have plans for you, and they can’t start until you’re done with this place for the day. You texted me an hour ago that you were finished, but when I drove by I saw your car in the parking lot. I stopped to make sure you didn’t volunteer for breaking news on the eve of our extended weekend, because if you did, you’re in big trouble.”

  I feigned innocence. “Would I do that?”

  “Yes.”

  “It’s not my fault,” I offered, enjoying the way Marvin squirmed as Eliot pressed my hand to the spot above his heart and suggestively wiggled his eyebrows. Eliot had been nothing short of lovey-dovey for weeks. I thought I’d find it disgusting, but instead I find it endearing. It makes me want to smack myself it’s so pathetic. “Fish has implemented a new rule. You have to stay in the building for the remainder of your shift, even if you finish early.”

  “Why did he do that?” Eliot was genuinely curious. “I’d think he’d want you guys out of his hair – or lack thereof, because he’s mostly bald – as soon as possible.”

  “I would think that, too,” I said. “He’s decided that we’re all scamming him by finishing and leaving early. He wants more productivity.”

  “So you guys decided to be productive by sitting in the lobby?”

  “It was better than pretending we weren’t gossiping while standing in front of him,” I answered. “He’s being a real pain in the ass.”

  “I’m sure he says the same about you.” Eliot let loose with a lazy sigh as he shifted in his chair. “How much longer do you have to wait?”

  “Twenty-five minutes.”

  “That’s ridiculous,” Eliot muttered, dragging a hand through his shoulder-length hair. “I thought we could do some grocery shopping for this weekend’s barbecue before heading home.”

  “And then we’re stripping naked and skinny-dipping, right?” I’d become somewhat obsessed with the idea of skinny-dipping since we opened the pool and I discovered we had a pool light that changed colors.

  “That’s the plan.” Eliot grinned when he saw Marvin roll his eyes. Most men wouldn’t be comfortable with their girlfriends spending as much time with another man as I did with Marvin, but Eliot knew my work buddy well enough to figure out that he was the exact opposite of a threat. “Do you want me to talk to Fish to see if I can spring you early?”

  That was an interesting offer. As hard-nosed as Fish opted to be at times, he was terrified of random people – including Eliot and my mother. I took advantage of that as often as possible. “I guess you could, but it seems stupid to throw away a freebie when we only have twenty minutes left in our sentence.”

  “That’s true.” Eliot showed no signs of getting up, instead rubbing his fingers over my wrist. “We can talk about the menu for our barbecue while we’re waiting. How does that sound?”

  I like talking about food as much as the next person, but the barbecue was Eliot’s idea … and, thus, his responsibility. He thought we should host a housewarming event – a party when my rather invasive family could visit the new house in a group rather than trickle in and take over our lives for the next two weeks. I agreed when he suggested it, but now I was having second thoughts.

  “I think feeding them is a bad idea,” I offered. “If we give them food they’ll associate us with people who care and be more likely to stop in when
ever the mood strikes.”

  Eliot arched an eyebrow. “We’re feeding them. It’s a barbecue. That’s what you do at a barbecue.”

  “And this has nothing to do with that fancy new contraption you bought for the back patio, right?”

  Eliot’s expression was sly. “I happen to enjoy barbecuing. Sue me.”

  “That’s what I thought.” I heaved out a sigh. “Okay, we’ll have a barbecue. I’m only agreeing because you’re so excited about it. I happen to think we should’ve hidden our new address from everyone in my family for as long as possible. You’re new to their ways. You’ll learn from your mistakes eventually.”

  “Oh, what a happy frame of mind you’re in.” Eliot shifted his eyes to the set of double doors that separated the lobby from the rest of the building when he heard them open, his lips thinning when he recognized Fish walking through. “You guys are about to get in trouble. I can feel it.”

  I remained calm as I locked gazes with Fish, although I heard Marvin shifting in his chair next to me. Despite his threats, I wasn’t afraid of my boss. I could wear a man down in thirty seconds flat, make him wish he’d never been born, and force a situation in which he demanded me off the premises, and all without breaking a sweat on a one-hundred-degree day. I wasn’t worried in the least.

  “There’s the best boss in the world,” Marvin enthused, pasting a sugary smile on his face. “Have I ever told you that you’re the best boss in the world?”

  “Stuff it, Marvin,” Fish barked, shaking his head. “I don’t need you to suck up to me. That’s not what this little exercise is about.”

  “What is this little exercise about?” I challenged, refusing to avert my gaze. “It feels somehow … punishing.”

  “Only you would think that, Avery,” Fish shot back. “Some people actually believe that a work shift is something that should be completed.”

  “Moronic people.”

  “Yes, well, since you’re not doing any work I’ve decided to cut you loose early,” Fish said, piquing my suspicious nature. That was the exact opposite of what he told me an hour ago. “How does that sound?”

  “Me, too?” Marvin asked hopefully.

  “No.” Fish didn’t spare a glance for Marvin and instead remained focused on me. “Do you want to leave early?”

  That was a loaded question. He knew I wasn’t interested in staying. If he was dangling something I wanted in front of me that meant he was holding something I didn’t want to do in reserve. All things balance out in a newsroom. “No.”

  Eliot shifted his eyes to me, surprised. “What are you doing?”

  “He’s manipulating me,” I explained. “He’s going to let me go early, but as a tradeoff, he’s going to offer me some terrible assignment when I return. I’d rather wait out the twenty minutes than cover the senior talent show again. No one wants to see sequins slipping into crevices that should be hidden from public view. Last time I had nightmares for two weeks straight. Even the clown from It ran in terror during my dreams”

  Eliot pressed his lips together to keep from laughing. “I see.”

  “That’s not what I’m doing,” Fish protested.

  I folded my arms over my chest and narrowed my eyes. I didn’t believe him.

  “Fine.” Fish blew out a long-suffering sigh. “You need to cover the opening of that new aquarium at the mall when you come back after your weekend. It’s supposed to be a big deal … with politicians and stuff … and I need you to do it even though you’re going to put up a fight.”

  Hmm. That wasn’t what I was expecting. I thought his assignment would be much worse. “That’s it?”

  “That’s it.”

  “Fine.” I hopped to my feet. “Let’s go, Eliot.”

  Fish’s expression was littered with curiosity as he searched my face. “Wait … you’re not putting up a fight about this?”

  “Not about this.”

  “Why?”

  I held my palms out and shrugged. “Maybe I’m learning and growing as a person. Have you ever considered that?”

  “Not for a second.”

  “Okay, fine.” I really didn’t expect him to believe I was growing and learning. He’s an idiot, not a moron. “I heard Duncan say he wanted to cover that event.” Duncan Marlow was my office nemesis. He’s the answer to any question that starts with “who is the office tool” and ends with “who is the office dumbass?”

  Fish snorted, genuinely amused. “So you agreed to cover it simply because you want to lord it over Duncan that you got the assignment he wanted?”

  I saw no reason to lie. “Yup.”

  “You are a piece of work. But because it happens to benefit me at this time, I’ll take it and wish you a fun holiday weekend.”

  “Thank you.” I shifted my attention to Eliot. “Are you ready to start our skinny-dipping weekend?”

  “I’m ready to shop first.”

  “Ugh. Fine. This is not how I saw this weekend going, though. Just for the record.”

  Eliot chuckled as he grabbed my hand and led me toward the door. “I promise you’re going to get your way this weekend. You simply have to give me my way first.”

  That sounded nothing like me. “I’m always up for something new.”

  2 Two

  “I love hot dogs.”

  I made the announcement in front of the appropriate deli case and immediately leaned forward to start collecting packages as Eliot rested his elbows on the cart handle and chuckled, his eyes lit with mirth.

  “I know your mind just went to a dirty place, but I don’t even care,” I said, dropping four packages of hot dogs in the cart. “I love them. I can’t get enough of them. Ooh, baby.”

  Eliot snorted as he offered an apologetic smile to the young mother standing on the other side of the cart. She didn’t look happy with my sexual innuendo. The way she looked Eliot up and down, though – as if he were the last hot dog in the world – allowed me to avoid eye contact and refrain from apologizing to her or the annoying kid clinging to her legs.

  “Wait a second,” Eliot instructed, his eyes widening as he walked around the edge of the cart and grabbed two of my selected packages of hot dogs. “These are all-beef.”

  “I like beef, too.”

  Eliot pursed his lips, amusement evident. “I like beef as much as the next person, but not everyone does.”

  “I like beefcake,” I clarified.

  “Ha, ha.” Eliot flicked my nose as he dropped the packages back where I’d found them and retrieved two different packages instead. “Some people like turkey hot dogs.”

  I wrinkled my nose. “Turkey hot dogs? That sounds disgusting.”

  “They’re healthier.”

  “They’re hot dogs,” I pointed out. “That means they’re all pig intestines and stuff. There’s nothing healthy about them no matter how you look at it. We might as well get the ones that taste good.”

  “Except we’re not cooking just hot dogs. We’re grilling other stuff, too.”

  That was news to me. “Like what?”

  “Like hamburgers, steaks and chicken.”

  I scratched the side of my nose, considering. “That sounds expensive.”

  Eliot’s expression was pained. Money had been our only source of argument for weeks. Anyone who knows me can vouch for how impressive that is. I’m a difficult woman – and proud of it – so I can argue over almost everything. Eliot and I had been living in a state of bliss for an extended period, with no screaming, yelling or hair-pulling. I didn’t expect it to last forever. Arguing was part of our genetic makeup. I never envisioned money to be the thing to take us down, though.

  “We’ve talked about this,” Eliot said, lowering his voice. “I’m paying for the barbecue stuff. We’re getting a bunch of potato, pasta and macaroni salad delivered from the deli, too. It’s not as if we’ll be doing this every week.”

  That was a relief. Opening my doors to my family on a weekly basis sounded mildly hellish. “I know, but … you’re doing
this for my family. I should pay.”

  “Avery … .”

  “No, I should.” I mentally ran through my bank balance. “I’ll pay. That’s only fair.”

  Eliot groaned as he grabbed the two packages of hot dogs he’d returned to the display and dropped them into the cart in an effort to appease me. “You’re not paying for the barbecue, so don’t even think about making a scene. This was my idea. You didn’t want to do it. In fact, you said you wanted to send out a newsletter and list a fake address so people wouldn’t know where we’d moved. You were trying to pick an enemy to torture with visits from your family and everything. This is my deal … and I’m paying.”

  He’d already paid for the house – until I could sell the hovel I previously lived in and give him my share – and all of the furniture, so that hardly seemed fair. “Eliot … .”

  He shook his head to cut me off, his distress evident. “Avery, I’m not having this argument with you every five minutes.” His eyes stormed with emotion. “I love you. We’re living together. This is what I want. I know this is what you want, too. I’m not going to let you derail things in an ugly fight so you have a reason to cancel the housewarming party.”

  I balked. “That’s not what I’m trying to do.”

  “That’s exactly what you’re trying to do.”

  He knew me too well. Still … . “We’re supposed to be building a life together,” I reminded him. “I don’t think that means you should pay for everything while I coast through life and contribute nothing. That hardly seems fair.”

  “You contribute the entertainment. That’s more important than food.”

  “I don’t think … .”

  “Avery!” Eliot barked loud enough that several heads turned toward us. I didn’t fail to notice that three of those heads belonged to young, pretty women. They clearly liked what they saw when they gazed in Eliot’s direction, because they didn’t bother hiding their interest … or acknowledge my existence.