Freaky Hearts Read online

  “I don’t care what it seems like,” I grumbled, yanking my hand away and rubbing it against my knee as I returned to staring out the window. “We were never a couple. Kade is allowed to do whatever he wants. That includes whatever it is he’s doing with Raven.”

  On a normal day Luke would’ve messed with me. He either sensed I couldn’t handle it or was too tired to give it a shot. “He’s not doing anything but riding with Raven.” Luke’s tone was gentle. “You know that. You’ve been watching him. He does his work, puts up with half the women in camp flirting with him, and then he retires to his trailer. Alone. He does it over and over every night. He has an expression that makes me wonder if someone stole his puppy when he stomps off. You don’t have anything to worry about.”

  I think the fact that my best friend pitied me was worse than being teased. “I’m not worried about it. Do I look worried?”

  Luke, never one for mincing words, said, “You look miserable. You also look pale, thin and depressed – but those are issues for a future discussion. I have an idea for a makeover, but you’re not ready for it.”

  I glared at him, annoyed. “I am not miserable. I knew this would happen. I told Max it would happen. Hey, look! It happened!” My voice grew shriller with each word. “I’m fine. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep him. I prepared myself for the inevitable moment when he would walk away. It happened. I’m … fine.”

  Luke ran his tongue over his lips as he decided how to proceed. “You’re very far from fine. I’m not sure how to fix it, though.”

  “It’s not your job to fix anything.” I crossed my arms over my chest, my stubbornness coming out to play defense. “I’m fine. It’s okay. I … I’m fine.”

  “You’ve said those words so many times I’m pretty sure you have no idea what they mean,” Luke countered. “That’s neither here nor there, though. You haven’t technically lost him, Poet. He’s still here.”

  And yet he hadn’t said a word to me in eight days. That was almost two hundred hours. He hadn’t so much as looked in my direction. He remained focused on his work … and Raven … and ignored everything else. “He’s gone. At least, he’s out of my reach.” My voice was small and pitiful, which made me ashamed of myself. “I’m fine.”

  “Ugh.” Luke made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. “You’re very far from fine, Poet. As far as Kade goes, he’s not out of your reach. He’s merely taking some time to think.”

  “Yes, he loves his thinking,” I muttered.

  “I think he’s earned the right to think about how this is affecting him,” Luke challenged. “He just found out the guy he thought was a family friend is actually his father. This was weeks after he found out that magic, along with vampires, shifters, psychics and evil clowns, is real. He’s had a rough couple of weeks.”

  “And I haven’t?” I knew I sounded petulant yet I couldn’t stop myself. “I didn’t want to keep it from him. You know that. I just … I thought Max should be the one to tell him.”

  “I think that was the right call,” Luke shot back, refusing to back down. “But you knew Kade would have a negative reaction. You chose to go forth with your plan anyway. You protected Max and sat back and let him blow Kade’s happy existence out of the water. Now you have to deal with the consequences.”

  “What should I have done differently?” I was about to melt down. Luke recognized the signs. “Should I have told him myself? Was that my place?”

  “I don’t know what to tell you,” Luke replied, lowering his voice. I could read the sympathy in his eyes and it was like a kick to the nuts – if I had nuts. I have a really good imagination where that’s concerned, though, and it hurt. “You did what you thought was right. Kade got hurt in the process. He needs time to adjust.”

  “That doesn’t mean he’s going to adjust to me,” I pointed out. “I betrayed him. He’s done where I’m concerned.”

  “I don’t think that’s true, but I can’t see the future like you can.” Luke has a pragmatic side at the oddest times. Usually he’s all over the place, but today he seemed uniquely focused. That’s the opposite of me – the psychic – who couldn’t seem to settle her emotions or powers. “Kade will come back to you. You need to give him time to wrap his mind around this. It’s only fair.”

  My heart momentarily leapt at the idea of Kade returning. The feeling lasted only a few seconds, though, and then I deflated. I knew it wouldn’t happen. “He’s not going to come back. I hurt him. He won’t forget that.”

  “He may not forget it,” Luke conceded. “He may be able to forgive it, though. Give him time. This is a lot for a former military man to absorb. He comes from a regimented world. We just plunged him into chaos.”

  “I’ve lost him for good. I know it. It’s fine.”

  Luke exhaled heavily, his annoyance obvious. “Your head is in a marvelous place. You know that, right?”

  I didn’t answer, instead staring out the window and pretending I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself.

  “I only wish you’d let Kade attack the pink fortress before this happened, because now you’re doubly jittery. If he’d taken care of those needs you could coast on those orgasms to get you through the next week or so. Now we’ll have to muddle through two world wars – one emotional, one physical – until he’s ready to concede.”

  I ignored the sarcasm – and really flowery and unnecessary diatribe – and leaned forward, focusing my attention out the front window. “Here comes the city.”

  Luke followed my gaze. “At least a new place will perk you up. You always get excited when we have a new place to explore.”

  I had my doubts, but kept them to myself. “Yeah. I’m … fine.”

  “So you keep telling me.”

  LUKE WAS right – which further drove me crazy – and the sights of the new town proved to be a distraction as we navigated the unfamiliar streets.

  “It’s all so … clean,” I noted, craning my neck to stare up at the white buildings flanked by pristine sidewalks. “I’ve never seen a town this clean.”

  “It must be all those sister wives,” Luke teased, winking. “I hear they’re crazy about cleanliness. Hey, I never considered that before, but since you’re in such a funk this might be the perfect place for you. You can find a man with eight other wives so you don’t have to be the main attraction, and move on from the debacle that was Kade Denton.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Plural marriage isn’t the norm anymore.”

  “That’s not what Big Love taught me.”

  “Yes, and we all know Big Love was totally real.” For some reason Luke got it into his head to binge watch the HBO show when he heard we were hitting Utah for a visit. Because I wasn’t in the mood to mingle with the other circus workers, it seemed a fair negotiation. I had to admit – at least to myself, if not him – that the show fascinated me. Even when Luke started waxing poetic about what it would be like to have multiple husbands, which I was fairly certain was a big no-no in Mormon culture, I couldn’t stop from considering the idea. “I don’t like to share. I’m pretty sure I could never be a sister wife.”

  “I don’t like sharing either,” Luke said after a beat. “I would have to be the husband.”

  “How would that work with all men?” I asked, genuinely curious. “Would one man have to be the alpha and the others betas?”

  Luke pursed his lips as he considered the question. “I’m guessing that’s the case. I would definitely be the alpha. You’re right, though. You could never actually be a sister wife. Would you want to be the alpha and have multiple husbands?”

  “That’s not how it works.”

  “We’re not playing the reality game,” Luke pointed out. “It’s all supposition. This is the most animated I’ve seen you in days. I think you like the idea.”

  I scorched him with a dirty look as I shook my head and focused on the gleaming municipal building on the main thoroughfare. “I know this is going to sound lame, but I guess I’m kind of old fashioned
when it comes to that stuff. I prefer the whole ‘one man and one woman’ thing. Of course, for you that would be two men, but you catch my drift.”

  “You’re saying that you’re boring.”

  “I’m saying that I’m traditional,” I clarified. “One man and one woman swear to love each other forever and they actually follow through. That has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”

  Luke shrugged, noncommittal. “Who do you picture standing next to you in that scenario? Is it Kade?”

  I immediately shook my head, irritation flashing. “Why do you always have to bring the conversation back to him? He’s out of my life.”

  Luke barked out a laugh. “Oh, honey, he’s nowhere near out of your life. You’re still technically his boss. He’s head of security and you’re running the circus since Max has gone AWOL. How does that equate to being out of your life?”

  “You act as if he’s going to stay with us,” I pointed out. “Have you ever considered the fact that he’s only here until he lines up a new gig? I see him on the phone all of the time. He has no family remaining … except for Max, of course … so who do you think he’s talking to?”

  “I … don’t know.” Luke’s eyes flitted to me. “Who do you think he’s talking to?”

  I held my hands palms up. “Your guess is as good as mine, but I have a feeling he’s looking for another job. He only took this position because of his relationship with Max. Now Max has betrayed him. He won’t stay.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “I have faith that Kade isn’t the sort of man who can put up with betrayal. He told me that once already. He gave me a chance to tell him the truth and I didn’t. He won’t stay. I know it.”

  “Did you look in his head? Did you see that with absolute certainty?”

  I shook my head. “I promised him I would never do that, and I meant it. I’ve done enough to him. That’s invasive. Whatever is going on in there is none of my business.” In truth, I could read Kade’s mind whenever the mood struck. That wasn’t fair, though. I wouldn’t do that to him. I’d hurt him enough. I saw that every time I caught a glimpse of him when he thought no one was looking. His shoulders slouched and he stared off into nothing, his back to the world he would inevitably shun. I’d hurt him once – technically twice – and I would not do it again. “He deserves his own thoughts.”

  Luke groaned as he stretched his arms. “You remind me of a soap opera character these days. You’re very melodramatic. Are you sure you haven’t been replaced with an evil twin? Or perhaps you have multiple personalities. That’s a soap opera thing, right?”

  I pretended I didn’t hear his take on soap operas and how they paralleled my life. “That doesn’t change the facts of my new reality. Kade is going to leave the circus. He’s already taken his leave of my life. It’s … done.”

  “I don’t believe that,” Luke pressed. “I guess we’ll have to wait to see what happens, because you’re not ready to hear anything other than the depressive conga line in your head. I think things will be different, though. You just need a little faith.”

  I forced a smile for his benefit. “That would be nice.” In truth, though, I was out of faith. It abandoned me a week earlier and I didn’t expect a return engagement.

  2

  Two

  “Look at this view. Did you know it would be so pretty here?”

  Luke was agog as he unloaded the back of his truck an hour later. Our trailers were located next to one another, as usual, and we immediately set out to arrange our little corner of privacy at the end of trailer row. I couldn’t stop myself from casting a glance in Kade’s direction, his strong jaw and broad shoulders causing my heart to hitch. He was a beautiful specimen of a man. He didn’t look in my direction, instead remaining focused on his task as he helped Raven unload her truck.

  Raven Marko is a pain in the butt. Sure, she’s a powerful lamia and a magical powerhouse, but as a woman she leaves a lot to be desired. I make that statement from the point of view of a woman, of course. A man would think otherwise, because she’s tall, willowy and has a cascade of gorgeous silver hair that’s shot through with black streaks. She’s striking.

  I fought the urge to roll my eyes when she burst into a bout of uncontrollable laughter, bringing her hand to Kade’s well-muscled arm and rubbing his bicep. Apparently he said something so hysterical she couldn’t stop herself from touching him. The moment, however brief, made me sick to my stomach.

  As if sensing he had an audience, Kade lifted his head and locked gazes with me. For a moment, it was as if time ceased and we were the only two people in the world. His expression was unreadable even as I struggled with the overwhelming feeling that I might pass out. The spell was short, though, because Luke yanked me back to reality by snapping his fingers next to my face to get my attention.

  “Do you have to do that?” I scowled as I slapped away his hand. Luke is my best friend, but we often treat each other like siblings. “I heard you the first time. The view is gorgeous.”

  It was indeed a sight to behold. I never pictured Utah being this pretty for some reason. I was happy to be proved wrong. I risked a furtive glance at Kade and found that he’d lost interest in me and was back to helping Raven. The realization chafed even as I reminded myself that he was out of my life.

  “Oh, stop drooling and pouting.” Luke flicked my ear and shook his head. “He’s not interested in Raven no matter what you’ve convinced yourself of in that busy brain of yours. He’s only helping her to … .”

  “What? Be nice?” The questions came out harsher than I intended.

  “I was going to say that he was doing it to agitate you,” Luke corrected, his lips twitching. “He’s clearly doing a good job of it, too. I think your head might come off your shoulders if you keep jerking it around like that.”

  “Oh, you’re so funny,” I muttered, grabbing two of the metal bistro chairs from the back of the truck and trudging toward the shared outdoor area between Luke’s trailer and my own. “I am not jealous.”

  “See, I didn’t use that word,” Luke said, grunting as he hoisted the matching table and carried it to the center of the outdoor space. “You jumped to that word on your own. I think you did it because you know you’re jealous.”

  “I am not jealous.”

  “No, you’re deranged. That’s so much worse than being jealous.”

  I narrowed my eyes to dangerous blue slits. “I am not jealous.”

  Luke blew out a heavy breath, one that caused his bangs to flutter, and shook his head. “Jealousy doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human. I don’t know why you have such difficulty admitting that you’re jealous. It’s a human emotion and it’s natural given what you’re going through.”

  “Whatever.” I energetically beat the chair cushions before fastening them to the metal frame skeletons. “I am not jealous.”

  “Yes, I can see that clearly.” Luke ignored my pointed glare and turned to the pressing tasks at hand. In addition to setting up our personal living areas, we would also have to tackle the individual attractions before guests began visiting later in the week. We had several days to accomplish everything on our shared to-do list, though, and I wasn’t in a hurry to walk the grounds.

  It took us about two hours to set up our personal area, and then we turned our attention to dinner. Everyone is on their own for meals during the bulk of the week – and we often share eating space even when cooking individual meals – but we almost always host big dinners upon arriving and right before packing up.

  I flashed a smile to Naida, one of the resident pixie twins, as I moved to the culinary tent. She was already working at husking corn and I joined her for lack of something better to do with my hands. I knew what I wanted to do with them. I wanted to run my hands down Kade’s strong arms – just like Raven – and then punch my enemy in the face and laugh while she cried. Okay, I saw it this time. Maybe I am as deranged as Luke seems to think.

  “This place has a neat f
eeling to it,” Naida announced, tucking a strand of her long aquamarine hair behind an ear. She’s an actual pixie, which means she’s extremely powerful. In Naida’s case that means she can control the weather depending on her moods – you know, a tornado here and a monsoon there – and occasionally curse an evil doer with a disastrous inclination to drown himself in a nearby body of water. Her twin sister Nixie regularly wreaks havoc due to her endless enthusiasm. She makes a special dust that shrinks potential murderers and rapists into voodoo dolls. They both assist with circus security by helping me erect the powerful dreamcatcher warning system that keeps us safe at performance sites, but it was too early to mess with magic in a new space.

  “It does have a different feeling,” I agreed, shifting my eyes to the lofty mountains to the west. “I guess I never realized that Utah had mountains. I’m not sure why I didn’t know that. It makes total sense, but … it’s weird.”

  “Do you know what else Utah has?”

  I shifted my eyes to Naida’s pretty face and shook my head. “I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”

  “It has the Great Salt Lake. It’s the largest saltwater lake in this hemisphere. Do you know what that means?”

  I smiled at the nymph. I couldn’t help myself. “You’re going swimming?”

  “You bet your sweet tush that I’m going swimming,” Naida shot back. “I’m not missing the Great Salt Lake for anything. The salt content is extremely high, which makes swimmers buoyant. They float even when they try to sink, if you can believe that. It’s a totally different experience.”

  I’m not much of a swimmer – although I enjoy the water whenever I get a chance to play – but that sounded intriguing. “I’m sure we’ll be able to work things out so we can visit. I know you’ll want to let your fin out for some fresh air – er, salty water – but we need to get the lay of the land first. We’ll check out the lake tomorrow.”

  Naida didn’t look impressed with the suggestion. “I want to go tonight.”