Witchy Tales: A Wicked Witches of the Midwest Fairy Tale Read online

“You stop being you,” Thistle shot back. “Why are you two in your regular clothes? Why do you get to wear what you want and I’m in … this?”

  “I’m guessing you’re stuck in it until you play this particular story out,” I said.

  “What story?”

  “We’re going through fairy tales,” I said.

  “Aunt Tillie,” Thistle grumbled. “I’m going to pop her like a zit. I’m going to ….” Thistle mimed a violent act, almost losing her balance and tumbling into the water. “I’m going to make that old lady pay!”

  “We have to get out of here first,” I said.

  “I don’t even know what this is,” Thistle said. “Where are we? Are we dreaming?”

  “I have no idea,” I said. “I don’t know how all three of us could be sharing the same dream. Even Aunt Tillie wouldn’t mess with dream magic.”

  Thistle rubbed her forehead. “You’re right. She’s mean, petty and bitter … and I’m going to burn her greenhouse to the ground when I get out of here … but she wouldn’t mess with dream magic. That means this is something else. I kind of figured that out already.”

  “It also means all of us might be in here,” I said.

  “You’ve only found each other?”

  “And now you,” I said.

  Thistle sighed dramatically. “Well, this is just great. What are we supposed to do now? Are we supposed to wander around fairy tale land until we find everyone?”

  “I have no idea,” I said. “We could all be in the same place, or we could be split between separate places. I just don’t know.”

  “I think the first thing we need to do is get you off the rock,” Landon said. “Why don’t you jump in and swim over here? It’s not that far. The dress will dry after a little bit.”

  “Oh, thank you,” Thistle said. “I never would have thought of that myself.”

  “Then why are you still on the rock?” Landon asked, nonplussed.

  “There’s something in the water,” Thistle said.

  “What?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve seen a … tail … a couple of times.”

  “What kind of tail?”

  “A green, scaly one,” Thistle said. “It’s big. That means whatever is in the water is big.”

  “Have you seen any teeth?”

  “No. Every time I decide I’m going to risk a swim I see the tail. Then I see a big freaking turtle staring at me. Oh, and can you hear that frog croaking? It’s driving me crazy. I’m going to kill it and cook it.”

  I ran her diatribe through my head. What fairy tale was this? “What turtle? I don’t see a turtle.”

  “Just watch,” Thistle instructed. She moved to the edge of the rock and dipped her toe into the water. The second she did something splashed a few feet away, a long tail rising out of the water and slapping back down loudly.

  “That was creepy,” I said.

  “Wait.”

  Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement on the far side of the pond. I peered into the darkness, squinting until I realized what I saw. It was a shell – a large one at that. It was two feet long and three feet wide. The turtle didn’t raise its head until it was next to the rock, and then it focused on Thistle as it floated there.

  “I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with this,” Thistle said.

  “You’re supposed to step on it,” Landon said.

  I glanced at him, surprised. “How do you know that?”

  “It’s the answer to the riddle,” he said. “This story is about trust. Thistle has to trust the turtle to get her over to us without dropping her in the water and feeding her to that … thing.”

  “What if it doesn’t work?” I asked.

  “I don’t see where we have much of a choice,” Landon said. “You can’t stay on that rock, and you can’t risk swimming. You have to trust the turtle. Wow. There’s something I never thought I would say.”

  “What happens if I fall in?” Thistle asked.

  “Then swim really quickly.”

  “What happens if the turtle sinks?”

  “Then swim really quickly.”

  “What happens … ?”

  “Thistle, get your butt on that turtle,” Landon ordered. “We’re wasting time here. We need you on this shore with us. This is the only way.”

  “If I get eaten, I’m going to haunt you forever,” Thistle warned.

  “Duly noted. Now, get on the turtle.”

  Landon tightened his hand around mine as we watched Thistle carefully step away from the rock. She tested the turtle with one foot before committing fully and dragging her other foot over. The second she was settled, the turtle started drifting in our direction.

  The tail snapped angrily next to the rock. No head emerged, though, and there was no sign of the water marauder following the turtle. Thistle was on the shore within seconds. Her face flushed when she felt the solid ground beneath her, and she raced to me so she could give me a hug. I think she needed the human contact, because she’s not known as a big hugger.

  “Holy crap,” she said. “That was so … surreal.”

  “Try talking to bears,” I said.

  “Try having a naughty mermaid ask you if you want to see her seashell,” Landon added.

  Thistle laughed, the sound harsh. “Seriously?”

  “Seriously,” Landon said. “I woke up on a beach and Bay woke up in a strange bed.”

  “I still don’t understand why I’m in this dress,” Thistle said. “It’s … ugly.”

  “I would think, once this fairy tale is over, you would go back to your regular clothes,” I said. “I thought the dress was part of the fairy tale.”

  “Maybe it still is,” Landon suggested.

  “Meaning?”

  “Maybe this story isn’t over.”

  “What’s left?” I asked. “She got off the rock. She’s safe. She passed the trust exercise.”

  “I have no idea,” Landon said. “If I could explain this freaky place I would.”

  A loud croak caused the three of us to jump, our gazes shifting to a large bullfrog perched on a rock a few feet away. It looked like a normal frog other than the fact that it stared at us.

  “Do you think it can talk?” I asked.

  “The turtle and the water monster couldn’t,” Thistle said. “I tried. Trust me. I was standing on that rock for about two hours and I tried talking to both of them because I was desperate.”

  “Hi, frog,” I said, smiling down at it. “Can you talk?”

  The frog croaked again.

  “I guess not, huh?”

  Another croak.

  “What do you want to do?” I asked. “Do you want to stick around and see whether there’s more to the fairy tale so you can get rid of that dress or do you want to move on?”

  “I don’t understand what this is,” Thistle said. “When I first woke up, I was sure I was dreaming.”

  “Join the club,” Landon said.

  “It didn’t take me long to realize it wasn’t a dream, though,” Thistle said. “Or, to be more precise, it didn’t take me long to realize it wasn’t a normal dream.”

  “How did you figure it out?” I asked. “I talked to the bears for ten minutes before I came to the same conclusion.”

  “The water kept splashing on me,” Thistle said. “When you’re in a dream, even if you’re swimming, you don’t feel the water. You just know you’re swimming. I could feel every drop as it landed on me.”

  “Landon could feel the sand in his underwear,” I said. “That was his first clue that this was more than your normal dream.”

  “You have sand in your underwear?” Thistle asked. “Does it chafe?”

  “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

  “Not really,” Thistle said.

  The frog croaked again and then slapped its foot against the rock. I glanced back at the frog. “Does anyone else think the frog might mean something?”

  “It’s fairy tales,” Landon said. “The frog means
something. But we have to figure out what. What fairy tales have frogs?”

  “I can only think of the one where the princess is supposed to kiss the frog,” I said. I turned my attention back to Thistle. “Maybe you’re supposed to kiss the frog.”

  “Over my dead body,” Thistle snapped. “I already had to ride a turtle. I am not kissing a frog. That’s just … gross.”

  “I think that’s why you’re wearing the dress,” I said. “You’re the princess.”

  “Well, I’m not going to do it,” Thistle said. “You do it.”

  “I’m not wearing the dress.”

  “We can trade clothes.”

  “Yeah, that’s not happening,” I said.

  “Besides, this is your fairy tale,” Landon said. “Bay woke up with the bears because that was her fairy tale. I woke up with the creepy mermaid because that was my fairy tale. This is still your fairy tale.”

  “Well, I’m not finishing it then,” Thistle said. “I’d rather walk ten miles in this dress than kiss a frog. I’m just not going to do it.”

  “Then let’s get going,” Landon said. “There’s no reason for us to hang around here any longer.”

  The frog croaked again, and this time the sound was almost pitiful.

  “I’m sorry,” Landon said. “It doesn’t look like you’re going to get any action today, my friend. I think you hung your legs on the wrong princess. This one is a little grumpy.”

  Another croak.

  “Let’s go,” Thistle said. “Which way?”

  Landon looked to me for an answer. I pressed my eyes shut again, concentrating. “That way.” I pointed.

  “How can you know?” Thistle asked.

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. This is how we found you, though.”

  Thistle shrugged. “Okay. Let’s see what new horror we find. I have a feeling this is going to be the longest night ever.”

  I couldn’t help but agree, and that was disconcerting.

  If you’re going to risk disfigurement by lying, the moral of the story is to make sure it’s a good lie and it’s worth it. If you’re going to look like a freak for the rest of your life, you’d better get something really good out of the situation – like money, or a convertible or a snowplow.

  – Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up

  Five

  “How long do you think we’re going to be stuck here?” Thistle asked.

  We walked along the pathway, our eyes busy as we looked for the next fairy tale catastrophe. Thistle’s pink dress made odd crinkling noises as she moved. It was starting to grate, but no one wanted to comment on it. We were already in a precarious situation; adding a fight to the mix wasn’t going to do anyone any good.

  “I don’t know,” I said. “It depends on whether this is a timed curse or whether we have to actually work our way through the entire world to get out.”

  “It’s like a video game,” Landon said.

  “What’s like a video game?”

  “This … all of it,” he said, gesturing animatedly. “We keep finding new tasks to accomplish. We can’t win unless we finish all the tasks. We can’t leave until we win. It’s a video game.”

  “Do you think we’re earning points?” Thistle asked.

  Landon shrugged. “I don’t know. Does Aunt Tillie play a lot of video games?”

  “Just Candy Crush and Bubble Witch Saga,” I said. “She likes the first one because she likes candy and she likes the second one because … .”

  “She’s a witch,” Landon finished. “I get it.”

  “No, she likes the second one because she likes to fire at things and knock them down,” I said. “She doesn’t like the witch in it. She doesn’t think it looks realistic.”

  Landon snorted. “She never ceases to amaze me.”

  “I thought you said that about me?”

  “You, too.” Landon shifted his attention to Thistle. “Are you worried Marcus is here somewhere?”

  “I don’t know,” Thistle said. “I can see why she cursed you in here with us. You were trying to stop her. You had the power to stop her. Marcus always helps her. She might not have cursed him. She really likes him.”

  “I can see that,” I said. “I definitely think Clove is in here, though.”

  “Me, too,” Thistle said. “That means she’s on her own somewhere.”

  “What fairy tale do you think she’s in?”

  “I have no idea,” Thistle said. “I … do you hear that?”

  “What?”

  “There’s something in the bushes.”

  We stopped moving, but even as she shifted only her shoulders Thistle’s dress made noise.

  “Thistle, stop moving,” Landon ordered.

  “I’m looking to see where the noise is coming from,” Thistle argued.

  “The noise is coming from that ugly dress,” Landon said. “Stand still.”

  “You can’t tell me what to do.”

  “I’m going to tie you to a tree and leave you here if you don’t shut up and stop moving,” Landon shot back.

  “You don’t have any rope.”

  “This is a magic world,” he said. “Maybe one will drop from the sky.”

  That brought up an interesting idea. “It’s a magic world,” I muttered, my mind busy.

  “That’s what I just said,” Landon said, nonplussed.

  “No, it’s a magic world,” I said. “We have magic. Do you think it works here?”

  “That’s a good question,” Thistle said. “Let’s see.” She glanced around, the dress crinkling again. Every time the dress made a sound, Landon cringed as if someone raked their fingernails across a chalkboard.

  Thistle focused on a nearby bush and squinted, focusing on it. She muttered a quick spell under her breath and … nothing. She tried again and got the same result.

  “Our magic doesn’t work,” Thistle said.

  “What did you try to do?”

  “I tried to set the bush on fire.”

  “That seems like a great idea when we’re trapped in a forest we can’t get out of,” Landon said. “Let’s set it on fire and really make things uncomfortable.”

  “No one needs your sarcasm,” Thistle said.

  “I think it’s completely appropriate,” Landon replied.

  I stepped between them, holding up my hands to earn a temporary reprieve from the sound of their voices. “Can we please not fight? This is bad enough without everyone fighting.”

  “I’m not the one picking a fight,” Landon said.

  “You’ve done nothing but snipe at me for the last half hour,” Thistle countered. “It’s not my fault you’re here. In fact, if you want to get down to it, it’s your fault we’re here.”

  Uh-oh.

  “My fault?” Landon arched an eyebrow. “My fault?”

  “You were the one who told her you were going to confiscate her wine,” Thistle said.

  “I told her that selling it without a license was illegal,” Landon said. “It is illegal. Your mothers were the ones really going after her this time.”

  “That’s a good point,” I said. “Not that I want them here – and I really don’t because if we’re fighting already we’re going to kill one another if our mothers are added to this mix – but it was Mom, Marnie and Twila who were really going after her this time.”

  “Actually, it was just Winnie,” Thistle said. “My mom is wishy-washy, and Marnie didn’t look as if she really cared. It was as if she was trying to stay loyal to Winnie more than anything else.”

  “Hey, if I have to put up with my mother in this fairy tale world you should have to put up with yours, too,” I grumbled.

  “If I know Aunt Tillie, she split us up,” Thistle said. “She probably cursed the three of us … and Landon … to this world and our mothers to another. She’d be running a big risk to let us all spend too much time together with nothing better to do than plot against her.”

  She had a point. “I
think the first thing we have to do is find Clove,” I said. “She’s probably freaking out.”

  “I agree,” Thistle said. “I … seriously, can’t you hear that?” She turned swiftly and focused on the bushes to our left. “There’s something in there.”

  “Are you sure?” Landon asked.

  “No, I’m making it up because I want to mess with you. Of course I’m sure.”

  Landon scorched Thistle with a harsh look. “I have this incredible urge to gag you.”

  “Right back at you.”

  Landon slipped around me and cautiously approached the bushes. He gave the bushes as wide a berth as he dared, and I didn’t miss his hand going to the spot on his waist where his gun usually rested only to find it absent. He was feeling vulnerable, I reminded myself. He didn’t mean to be crabby, but he was so far out of his element he was having trouble wrapping his head around what was happening.

  “All right, come out of there,” Landon said.

  This time not only could we hear the rustling in the bushes we could see the branches moving.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “Is it a monster?” Thistle asked.

  “It’s not a clown, is it?” I asked.

  Landon shot me a quelling look. “I’m not sure … .”

  “It’s me!”

  We all took a step back when a dark figure jumped out of the bushes, hands raised above its head. It took us only a second to recognize the new player.

  “Sam?”

  “Last time I checked,” Sam said. “Of course, I don’t really recognize this … outfit.”

  “Join the club,” Thistle said, tilting her head to the side to study Sam’s tiny shorts, white shirt and odd vest. I’d never seen him wear a hat before, so the yellow one with the red feather on top of his head was … distracting. “Who are you supposed to be?”

  I had a feeling I knew. “At least he’s not wooden,” I said. “That would be … uncomfortable … to deal with.”

  “Wooden?” Thistle wrinkled her nose. “Oh. You’re Pinocchio. That’s interesting. I wonder why you got shoved in that fairy tale.”

  “Fairy tale?” Sam asked, confused. “Is that what’s going on?”

  “What did you think was happening?” I asked.

  “I had no idea,” Sam said. “All I know is I went to bed with Clove next to me and woke up in a really weird place.”