Only the Lost Read online

  “Because I didn’t know it was important. This happened long before you were born. This happened before your parents were born. How does it affect your life?”

  “I’m the gatekeeper. They disappeared through the gate.”

  He considered the statement and then nodded. “Fair enough. Still, it didn’t occur to me to broach this particular subject. As I told you before, the reaper council went out of its way to cover up what happened. I was ordered to keep the story to myself.”

  “Yes, and you so often follow rules,” I drawled.

  “I followed this one because I assumed whatever happened was caused by human error,” he explained. “I mean ... what else was I supposed to believe? Whatever happened that day was powerful enough to knock me out. When I woke, all the men I’d been with were gone. I believed there was a very real possibility that they’d all died and I was told they’d disappeared so I wouldn’t inadvertently cause a panic.”

  Huh. I hadn’t really thought about that, but it made sense. “So ... you thought they were dead all this time,” I mused. “That must’ve been difficult.”

  He held his hands out and shrugged. “It wasn’t the easiest of times. Back then I was searching for answers. I was feeling aimless and looking for direction. Most of the questions plaguing me had to do with life ... and death ... and an eternity spent not accomplishing anything.”

  “Oh, so trivial subjects.” I grinned at him to lighten the mood. It worked. “I never asked, but I guess it makes sense you came to work here. You don’t die. That probably makes human death even more of a curiosity for you.”

  “It was at the time,” he conceded. “I feel differently now. The gate is a great responsibility. Important things happen on both sides. I truly did believe that my compatriots were dead. Why would I think otherwise?”

  “Why would you continue working for an outfit you assumed covered up fourteen deaths?” I challenged. “It seems to me that would be a good reason for finding work elsewhere.”

  “Not all of us are insistent on being ethical to a fault. Also, I assumed it was an accident. If I believed the others were purposely killed it would’ve been a greatly different scenario.”

  “I guess that makes sense.” I pursed my lips. “What do you think now?”

  “I have no idea. I’m as intrigued by what you saw as I am by the return of men I thought dead sixty years ago. There are so many questions coursing through me I don’t know where to start.”

  “Will you try to go back and see them?”

  “Yes, although maybe not for a few days. They need to come to grips with what’s happened and I’m a difficult reminder of what was. Most of them have lost everything they knew. Even if parts of their lives remain, they won’t be the same.

  “Imagine going to work one day, kissing your wife and children, and then falling into darkness,” he continued. “Also imagine waking on what you think is the same day only to realize sixty years have passed.

  “You’re mortal, Izzy. Sixty years to you is a virtual lifetime. These men will have lost everything. Wives gone, remarried or dead. Those who are still alive will look like grandparents to them. Nothing will ever be the same, and that’s a bitter pill to swallow.”

  “And you’re worried that they’ll be bitter because you weren’t taken,” I surmised. “You were there, yet nothing happened to you. You lived for sixty years and still look the same, but your end result is vastly different from theirs.”

  “I want to help them,” he clarified. “I will do so to the best of my ability. That doesn’t mean pressuring them from the start. I should’ve thought better about that.”

  “You were trying to help.”

  “Yes, and I will do better next time. That’s the best I can do.”

  I squeezed his shoulder and nodded, reminding myself that whatever he said, this had to be difficult for him, too. “I’m supposed to head to Grimlock Manor for dinner. I can cancel and stay if you need to talk.”

  He looked more amused than touched by the gesture. “I have Brett to talk to if I need it. While I appreciate the offer, you have a life to live. I want you to live it. You can’t help with this anyway. It’s simply something that needs to work itself out.”

  He had a point. “Okay. But I’ll be here if you need me.”

  “Thank you. I greatly appreciate the gesture. You and the Grimlock boy will be entertaining yourselves in other ways this evening, though. That is how it should be.”

  I opened my mouth to reiterate the offer, but he shook his head. The conversation was clearly over. He needed time to absorb things. It was my duty to give it to him ... no matter how agitated I was at the prospect.

  GRIMLOCK MANOR WAS BUSTLING WITH activity when I let myself into the house. From the outside, it looked like a castle — complete with turrets — but inside it was full of warmth and family. What I thought ostentatious the first time I entered had turned into a welcoming environment.

  I absolutely loved it.

  “Look at me, Lily. Look at Uncle Redmond. That’s it. Laugh.”

  I followed the sound of voices into the front parlor. The entire family looked to be gathered, including Maya and Jerry. The former was living with the bookish Grimlock child, Cillian, and the latter was engaged to the youngest boy, Aidan, and planning a lavish wedding. In addition to being Aidan’s fiancé, Jerry was Aisling’s best friend since childhood. He was watching the scene in the middle of the floor with disgust.

  “She’s not going to laugh at you until she’s old enough to realize what she’s laughing at,” Jerry challenged, cocktail in his hand and a wedding magazine open on his lap. “You’re not going to win this competition.”

  For his part, the oldest Grimlock child was full of disdain. “That shows what you know,” he shot back. “Lily absolutely loves me the best. She’s going to laugh for me first.”

  “She’s not going to laugh for another six weeks to two months,” Cormack countered. He sat in his normal chair, a coupe glass perched on the table next to him. He was obviously more interested in what his granddaughter was doing than the drink. “You’re wasting your time.”

  “That’s not the competition anyway,” Braden argued. He was on the floor next to Redmond, holding up a fuzzy unicorn stuffed animal, jiggling it for his niece’s enjoyment. “We’re trying to see who can make her smile first. That’s what’s next up on that little development chart of hers. She’s old enough to smile.”

  I remained in the open archway so I could watch the show, folding my arms across my chest. The Grimlocks were the overbearing sort — and that was putting it mildly — but the way every single one of them melted in the face of a pretty baby with violet eyes tugged on my heartstrings.

  “What about me?” Aisling challenged from her spot on the settee. Her eyes were bright, her skin glowing, and she looked much better than she had several weeks earlier, when new motherhood was clearly wearing her down. Her tyrant daughter took it out of her, something Aisling understood she had to halt. It was the rest of her family fighting the notion of letting Lily cry herself to sleep. Aisling was determined to break her daughter of bad habits before things completely got out of hand. “I gave birth to her. I’m going to get the first smile.”

  “As grateful as we all are for you bringing up the birth thing constantly, she can’t smile at you first,” Aidan countered. He was Aisling’s twin and they had a unique relationship. Right now, though, his attention was barely on her because he was doing a little dance behind Braden’s back to get the baby to smile. “Everyone knows that babies don’t smile at parents first. They smile at uncles.”

  Cormack snorted. “You’re all wasting your time. She’s going to smile at me first. Isn’t that true?” He stared adoringly at his only grandchild, causing me to have to stifle a laugh.

  The Grimlocks weren’t happy unless they were competing with one another. It could be a sports game ... cards ... or even a made-up game featuring stuffed sharks and Xbox fishing. They were up for the opportuni
ty to claim glory whenever it arose. Whoever Lily smiled at first would lord it over the others for the rest of her life.

  “Hey, Izzy. Why are you just standing here?”

  I recognized the voice. It was Griffin Taylor, Aisling’s husband. He’d obviously just arrived, because while he held my gaze for a split-second, he immediately turned his attention to the little girl on the floor.

  “There’s my baby.” He swooped into the room, not waiting for me to reply. Instead of bending down to give his daughter a warm greeting, though, he went immediately to his wife and planted a smacking kiss against her lips. “How was your spa day?”

  Ah, that explained the fresh glow. Aisling and Jerry took the day off to be puffed and pampered on her father’s dime. They were talking about it over the breakfast table this morning. I’d completely forgotten.

  Aisling accepted the kiss and gave Griffin an intimate hug. “Good. I really needed it. I also had a doctor’s appointment today.”

  “I know.” Griffin sat next to her, his gaze never leaving her face as he brushed her dark hair from her forehead. “I was going to call and see how it went, but I got caught up in other stuff. What did the doctor say? Are you okay?”

  Cormack shifted in his chair. “I didn’t know you had a doctor’s appointment with the baby this morning.”

  “Not with Lily,” Aisling countered. “It was just me. Jerry sat with Lily while I was in the examination room.”

  “And I was very entertaining,” Jerry offered. “She’s this close to smiling at her favorite uncle.” He held his index finger and thumb about an inch apart. “I’m definitely going to win this particular competition.”

  Redmond rolled his eyes. “No way. I’m going to win. We all know it. I’m Aisling’s favorite brother. That means Lily picked up on it while in the womb. It’s already a done deal.”

  “I’m Aisling’s favorite person,” Jerry countered. “I’m going to win.”

  “I’m Aisling’s favorite person,” Griffin corrected, his eyes never leaving his wife’s face. “She’s going to smile at me first and I don’t want to hear another word about it. We’re not talking about Lily, we’re talking about my wife. I want to know what the doctor said.”

  Cormack leaned forward, his gaze keen. “Is something wrong? Have you been keeping something from me?”

  “Nothing is wrong,” Aisling offered hurriedly. “It was just a standard check-up.”

  “That’s not what Griffin seems to think,” Redmond argued, turning from Lily and staring down his sister. “He’s obviously desperate for a report. That makes me think you’re lying and there is something going on.”

  “Yeah, Ais,” Cillian prompted. “Spill. What’s going on? What did the doctor say?”

  Aisling’s expression reflected annoyance. “Don’t worry about it. I’m fine.”

  “We’re glad that you’re fine,” Cormack insisted. “We want to know what you were worried about. Just because you’re a mother now doesn’t mean you’re not my little girl. What is going on?”

  Aisling shot her husband a dark look. “I blame you for this.”

  Griffin’s lips quirked. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t think about the can of worms I was opening. You can flog me later.”

  Cormack extended a threatening finger in his son-in-law’s direction. “Don’t say gross things to my daughter. We’ve talked about this. You have a filthy mind and wandering hands. Both make me want to hurt you.”

  “You wouldn’t have a granddaughter if it wasn’t for my filthy mind and wandering hands.”

  “Stop.” Cormack held up his hand. “Not one more word out of you. I’ll ban you from the ice cream bar if you’re not careful.”

  Griffin made a pathetic face. “That’s just mean.”

  “And unnecessary,” Aisling added. “You guys are getting worked up about nothing. There really is nothing wrong.”

  “I’ll be the judge of that,” Cormack countered, firm. “Tell me what’s going on. Why were you at the doctor’s office?” He looked genuinely apprehensive of her answer.

  Aisling let loose a heavy sigh. She looked put upon, which made me laugh ... especially when I got a glimpse of why she was really at the doctor’s office this particular day. She was good at shuttering, especially since she figured out I could pick up on surface thoughts, but there was no hiding what was going through her mind at this exact moment.

  “If you must know, I needed a pelvic exam,” Aisling announced, causing every single man in the room to cringe. “The doctor wanted to make sure I was fully healed so Griffin and I can start having sex again.”

  Most daughters wouldn’t announce that in front of their siblings ... or father ... or friends. Aisling wasn’t a normal woman. She wanted to win as much as the next Grimlock, and she’d clearly just declared herself victorious in this evening’s Grimlock Gross-out Fest. She looked proud of herself.

  “Oh, man!” Redmond rolled to his back and covered his eyes as Braden buried his face in his arms, which were perched on his knees. “I can’t believe you just told us that.”

  “I can’t believe it either.” Cormack was stern. “You’re grounded for the rest of your life, young lady. I hope you’re happy. You’re going to give your brothers nightmares. What’s worse, you’re going to give me nightmares.”

  “You can’t ground me.” Aisling was blasé. “I’m an adult.”

  “Do you want to try me?”

  She cocked her head to the side, considering. “You know what? Go ahead and ground me. Griffin and I will lock ourselves away in my old bedroom as punishment and you won’t have to see us for the rest of the night. You can continue your competition to see who makes Lily smile first and we’ll sit in the corner upstairs and think about what we’ve done.”

  Griffin brightened considerably. “I love the way your mind works.”

  “I can’t even.” Cormack glowered at his drink, which he’d reclaimed from the table. “Why can’t I have normal children?”

  “Because then you wouldn’t be a true Grimlock,” Braden offered, his eyes finally moving to me. The smiles we shared were small and intimate. He clearly had plans for the evening, too. They would have to wait until after dinner, though. I was starving. Watching men come back from the dead apparently made me hungry. “I definitely think you should ban them both from the ice cream bar. That seems only fair.”

  Cormack followed his son’s gaze and shook his head when his eyes landed on me. “I’m going to ban every single one of this family’s filthy minds from the ice cream bar if you’re not careful.”

  That sounded like a travesty in the making. “What did I do?” I challenged. “I’ve been good all day ... and got knocked out. Given Grimlock Family Rules, doesn’t that mean I’m your favorite?”

  Cormack’s lips curved. “You catch on quick.”

  “I was always a good student.”

  “The ice cream bar is open for everyone,” he announced. “Even all those with filthy minds can eat to their heart’s content. I ordered plenty of fixings because I figured we’d be having multiple ice cream bars a week now that the weather is looking up.”

  Lily made a gurgling sound that almost sounded like a laugh, causing every head in the room to snap in her direction.

  Aisling leaned closer and made a face. “That was gas, not a laugh.”

  “In this family it’s the same thing,” Redmond argued.

  Five

  Even though Braden retained a room in his father’s house — which would’ve been a deal breaker for another man — I found his digs beyond comfortable. It was more of a small suite than a standard bedroom. I’d gotten used to waking up in his childhood bedroom and didn’t think anything of it these days.

  “Good morning.” His lips brushed my ear as he shifted. He’d spent the entire night spooned behind me, which would’ve felt smothering with anyone else but seemed natural with him. “How did you sleep?”

  That was an interesting question and I understood what was concerning hi
m. “I’m fine,” I reassured him without hesitation. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

  “That goes with the territory.” He rubbed his stubbled cheek against my ear. “I was worried you might have a few nightmares.”

  “I did.”

  He jolted. “You did? Why didn’t you wake me?”

  “Because I didn’t think you would want to hear about my dream. I mean ... your father was in it … and it wasn’t exactly a violent nightmare. It was disturbing for a different reason.”

  “Excuse me?” His body went rigid. “You had a sex dream about my father?”

  I was taken aback and rolled so he wouldn’t miss my harsh glare. “That is disgusting.”

  “You’re the one who had the dream.”

  “I said I had a dream about your father, not that I was having sex with him in it.”

  “Oh.” Braden had the grace to look abashed. “I guess I just assumed.”

  “You know what they say about people who assume things.”

  “Yes, that we’re awesome and great.” He snaked his arm around my waist and tugged until I was plastered against his chest. “Let’s be awesome and great together this morning.”

  I pressed my hand to his chest so he couldn’t invade my territory and cause me to lose my train of thought. “I can’t kiss you when I’m grossed out about your assumption that I had a sex dream about your father.”

  “Aw, man. You’re going to make this a thing, aren’t you?”

  “Probably.”

  “Ugh.” He closed his eyes. “At least tell me what you really dreamed about before we start arguing. I need to clean a couple of things out of my mind and I have a feeling whatever you dreamed about will be dark enough to do just that.”

  “I dreamed that your father found a bayonet and spent the entire night stalking outside Aisling’s room to make sure she and Griffin didn’t have the romantic reunion they were clearly jonesing for. He even wore a tan pith helmet, and then he said he was hunting handsy cops.”