Life's a Witch Read online

  “Aunt Tillie is family and we don’t care what she thinks,” Thistle said.

  “Speaking of Aunt Tillie … .” Mom narrowed her eyes, her mind clearly busy. “Has anyone seen Aunt Tillie since breakfast?”

  Uh-oh. That was a loaded question.

  “No,” Thistle lied, taking a hard decision away from me. “She’s probably down at her greenhouse. Isn’t Belinda here today? Aunt Tillie prefers spending time with Annie rather than us as it is. Leave her down there.”

  Belinda and Annie were the newest members of our extended family. After discovering Annie disheveled and dazed walking along the road, we took care of her for two days before we found her mother unconscious in a ditch after a car crash. After Belinda’s recovery, Mom gave her a job – they really did need an extra pair of hands – and Belinda and Annie were living in the attic room until they could get on their feet financially.

  Belinda was a godsend to our mothers, and Annie ingratiated herself to just about everyone, including Aunt Tillie. No one was more surprised than me that Aunt Tillie seemed to enjoy Annie’s presence. She took the girl with her everywhere when she was around – which was often now that school was out – and Annie loved working in the greenhouse with Aunt Tillie. Landon put his foot down about Annie working in the pot field, but I had a feeling Aunt Tillie was getting around his ultimatum by only letting Annie work out there when she was sure Landon was stuck in Traverse City for the day.

  “Belinda dressed Annie up to meet Aunt Willa,” Mom replied. “I hope Aunt Tillie isn’t letting her get dirty.”

  “Yes, because that would be the real shame of the evening,” Landon deadpanned. “Ignore the horrible people insulting everyone, because there’s a child who got dirty after having a good time.”

  Mom scorched him with a look. “Why are you being so difficult? You don’t even know Aunt Willa and Rosemary.”

  “Technically, that’s not true,” Landon countered. “They were in the fairy tale book.”

  “That wasn’t really them.”

  “Are you sure? Because the characters Aunt Tillie based on you seemed a lot like you,” Landon said. “Right now, for instance. I’m expecting you to try to behead me at any moment.”

  I pursed my lips. Landon was still upset about being cursed into the book and he was clearly unhappy with the idea of putting on a show for people he disliked.

  “Landon, I know you want to protect Bay, and I applaud that,” Mom said, choosing her words carefully. “I think you’re brave and loyal. I even like your hair, despite all the things Aunt Tillie says about it.”

  Landon preened.

  “You still need to shut up and act like a proper gentleman tonight,” Mom continued. “Suck it up. You’re not a child. You’re an FBI agent, for crying out loud. You have to deal with people you dislike all the time. Stop being a pain.”

  Landon ran his tongue over his teeth as he decided how to respond. “Fine,” he said finally. “I will be on my best behavior. If either one of them says one word to anyone in this family, though … .”

  “Then you can beat your chest and go all caveman on them,” Mom said, cutting him off. “You’re a representative of this family tonight. You too, Marcus. That means you have to be pleasant to our guests … and Aunt Willa and Rosemary are technically paying guests.”

  “I’ve got twenty bucks that says they find a way not to pay their bill,” Thistle said.

  Mom swiveled to focus on her niece. “Couldn’t you have picked a less … vibrant … color for you hair this month? Aunt Willa is going to have a heart attack when she sees that purple.”

  Thistle’s short-cropped hair changed more frequently than Aunt Tillie’s plans for world domination. I barely noticed when she changed her color these days.

  “Now you’re making me wish I had dyed it eight different colors,” Thistle shot back. “I didn’t know potential heart attacks were an option. Darn. I missed out on a golden opportunity there.”

  “You all are going to give me an ulcer,” Mom said, pressing her hand to her stomach. Aunt Willa’s imminent arrival had managed to unnerve her. It was a disturbing sight.

  “We’ll all behave, Mom,” I said. “I promise.”

  “Can you guarantee your Aunt Tillie is going to behave?”

  “I can guarantee that she … probably won’t kill anyone,” I replied, although I wasn’t sure that was true. “That’s the best I can do.”

  “Oh, whatever,” Mom said. “I … .”

  Whatever she was about to say died on her lips when Twila poked her riotous red head into the library. “They’re here.”

  AUNT Willa looked differently than she did in the fairy tale world. Deep lines pulled at the corners of her eyes, and her hair, which was more gray than anything else, was pulled back in a severe bun. She dressed in an expensive suit that was completely impractical for a week in Hemlock Cove, and the smile she flashed at Mom was disingenuous.

  What? I swear I’m keeping an open mind.

  “It’s so good to see you, Winnie,” Aunt Willa said, pulling Mom in for a stiff hug.

  Marnie and Twila lined up behind their sister, ready for their turn in front of the firing squad. By the time Aunt Willa turned to Thistle and me she looked bored with the whole witch and wardrobe show.

  “You must be … Bay,” Aunt Willa said, glancing over her shoulder so she could see Rosemary give her a cursory nod. “You’ve grown into a … lovely … girl.”

  She said “lovely” like I would spit out “pus boil.” I smiled regardless. “Thank you.”

  “And Thistle … .” Aunt Willa looked her up and down. “You look like your mother.”

  Thistle and I exchanged bemused looks. Aunt Willa didn’t even try to muster a compliment on that one.

  “How are you, Bay?” Rosemary asked, stepping up behind her grandmother.

  Rosemary’s long hair was curled into spiral waves, stiff with too much hairspray, and her face was as pinched and unpleasant as I remembered from childhood.

  “I’m good,” I replied. “How are you?”

  “Well, I’m a lawyer,” Rosemary replied. “I make more than sixty-thousand dollars a year. I have benefits and four paid weeks of vacation.”

  What a weird way to introduce yourself to someone after almost fifteen years of separation. “Congratulations?”

  “Yes, I’m doing quite well.” Rosemary obviously missed my discomfort as she shifted her eyes to Landon. “And you are?”

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” I said, regaining my faulty faculties. “This is Landon Michaels. He’s … .”

  “Let me guess,” Rosemary interrupted. “Are you the … gardener?”

  Landon narrowed his eyes. “I’m the FBI agent.”

  “Oh, no,” Aunt Willa said, her hand flying to her chest. “I hope something horrible hasn’t happened. Are you here to arrest Tillie? I’m sure whatever she did was a mistake.”

  Mom chuckled hoarsely. “No, Aunt Willa. He’s not here to arrest anyone,” she explained. “He’s Bay’s boyfriend.”

  “Boyfriend?” Rosemary arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. “You’re with Bay?”

  Landon moved closer to me and slipped an arm around my waist. I could tell he was already tired of Aunt Willa and Rosemary’s feigned perfection. “I am,” he said. “It’s a tough job, but I’m up to the task.”

  “Well, that’s nice,” Aunt Willa said. “I … can you really be an FBI agent with hair that long?”

  Landon maintained he needed his hair long in case he had to go undercover again. That’s how we met, and his hair was one of the things I noticed on initial introduction. He hadn’t gone undercover in more than a year, though, and I was starting to think he liked it long because he knew it added to his sex appeal.

  “There aren’t any rules about hair length in the bureau,” Landon replied. “My boss is fine with it.”

  “Oh, well, that’s nice,” Aunt Willa said, dismissing Landon and turning to Marcus. “And who are you?”

  �
��This is Marcus,” Thistle supplied. “He owns the stable in town. He’s my boyfriend.”

  “He has long hair, too.”

  “I can say with certainty that the horses don’t mind,” Marcus quipped. No one laughed so he snapped his mouth shut. He probably wouldn’t open it again for the rest of the night.

  “And where is Clove?” Aunt Willa asked. “She’s the one who is missing, right? I would’ve thought she’d want to be here to greet me.”

  “She’s down at the guesthouse waiting for her boyfriend,” Thistle answered. “She’ll be here soon.”

  “And what does her boyfriend do?” Rosemary asked. “Is he with the FBI, too?”

  I already wanted to smack her. Even as a child she was surly and mean. Those characteristics were even more unappealing on an adult. “He owns the Dandridge,” I said. “It’s a local lighthouse. He’s been renovating it to turn it into a haunted attraction. It’s a big job. That’s probably why he’s late.”

  Without anyone left to focus her attention on, Aunt Willa finally brought up the one person we were all terrified for her to interact with. “And where is my sister?”

  “We think she’s down in the greenhouse with Annie,” Thistle said. “She’ll be back in time for dinner.”

  “I don’t remember a greenhouse on the property,” Aunt Willa said, wrinkling her nose. “Is that new?”

  “We had it constructed in the spring as a gift for Aunt Tillie,” Mom explained. “She loves it.”

  “And who is Annie?”

  “She’s … .” Mom broke off, unsure how to respond.

  “She’s the daughter of a woman who works here,” Landon said, taking the onus of the conversation off Mom. “She’s a sweet girl, and she’s taken a shine to Aunt Tillie.”

  “Yes, well, Tillie always had a way with children,” Aunt Willa sniffed. “She was a big child herself, and that’s why children liked her. They never understood that rules were important to growing up, because Tillie never instilled that in them.”

  I frowned. Aunt Tillie did have more in common with children – including perfected hissy fits and tantrums – but I didn’t like the way Aunt Willa talked about my great-aunt. If anyone was going to talk bad about the woman, it would be one of us.

  “She’s good with Annie,” I supplied. “They enjoy hanging out. I’m sure she’ll be up here shortly.”

  “Oh, I’m sure she will, too,” Aunt Willa said, offering me a patronizing pat on the head as she moved past me. “I’d love to take a look around and see everything you’ve done here.”

  “I … of course,” Mom said, glancing at Marnie and Twila. “I’m sure that Bay and Thistle can show you around while we put the finishing touches on dinner.”

  “I’d rather be hit by Aunt Tillie’s plow,” Thistle muttered.

  “I’d rather drive the plow and run away,” Landon added.

  “Did you two say something?” Aunt Willa asked.

  “No,” Mom said, drawing Aunt Willa’s attention back to her. “They would all be thrilled to show you around the property.”

  That was news to the four of us.

  “Well, let’s start with the greenhouse,” Aunt Willa suggested.

  “I don’t think … .” I shot Mom a worried look.

  “Aunt Tillie doesn’t allow anyone in the greenhouse unless she specifically invites them,” Marcus said, shifting uncomfortably. I was surprised he braved adding to the conversation again after his joke fell flat. “Last time I checked, Bay and Thistle were banned.”

  “Banned?” Aunt Willa made a face. “She banned you from her greenhouse?”

  “To be fair, we did keep searching it and one of the guys we went to high school with hid money he stole from the bank in there. She wasn’t happy.”

  “Ah … .” Aunt Willa clearly had no idea how to respond to that. “I want to see the greenhouse, though.”

  “That will be happening over my dead body,” Aunt Tillie said, appearing in the doorway, Annie at her side. “I would rather die a thousand deaths than let you anywhere near my greenhouse.”

  Landon leaned back, amused as he lowered his mouth to my ear so only I could hear what he was about to say. “And so it begins.”

  Six

  “Tillie.”

  “Willa.”

  That was the end of the conversation.

  “Aunt Tillie, we were wondering where you were,” Mom said, attempting to break the uncomfortable pall settling over the room. “We figured you were down in your greenhouse.”

  “We were,” Annie said, her eyes sparkling. “Aunt Tillie taught me how to … .”

  “No one needs to hear about that,” Aunt Tillie said, patting Annie’s head. “Our gardening time is private.”

  “I bet,” Landon muttered.

  Annie’s eyes lit up when they landed on Marcus. “Marcus!” She hurried across the room and threw herself at him, giggling as he caught her mid-jump and hoisted her up. “I’m so glad you’re here. I haven’t seen you in days and I thought I would just die if you didn’t come around soon.”

  I smirked. Annie developed a crush on Marcus not long after we found her. She absolutely loved him. He played the part well, doting on her and feigning interest in every story and excited utterance.

  “There’s no need to die,” Marcus said. “I’ve been busy at the stable. I’ll try to remember that your life is in constant peril and stop by more often. I was here last night, but you weren’t. I thought I would die of disappointment.”

  “Mom made me go to the reading group at the library,” Annie said, making a face.

  “That’s good for you,” Landon interjected. “Reading is a lot of fun.”

  “You have to say that because you’re ‘The Man,’” Annie said. She’d picked up a few of Aunt Tillie’s favorite phrases over the past few weeks. “‘The Man’ is always trying to take the fun out of life.”

  Landon scowled and shot a dark look in Aunt Tillie’s direction. “Will you stop telling her things like that?”

  Aunt Tillie shrugged. “I can’t lie to the girl. She looks up to me.”

  “I agree with Landon on this one,” Marcus said, risking Aunt Tillie’s wrath in the process. “You should read as much as you can. It’s a good habit.”

  “Yes, but all the kids there were babies,” Annie explained. “I like hanging out with you guys more. You’re not babies. Well … except for Clove sometimes. Aunt Tillie says she whines like a baby.”

  “Well, I see I arrived just in time,” Clove said, walking into the room with Sam at her side.

  “I said you whined like a baby some of the time,” Aunt Tillie said. “I just told them – and now I’ll tell you – that I promised not to lie to her. What would you have me do?”

  “I’m not sure this is a conversation we should be having now,” Mom said, nervously clasping her hands. Everyone ignored her.

  “Stop telling her things that alienate us from her,” Landon suggested. He would never admit it, but I knew his nose was a little out of joint because Annie had a crush on Marcus instead of him.

  “I don’t think you’re an alien,” Annie said, her expressive face plaintive. “I’m just scared of you because everyone knows ‘The Man’ wants to take Aunt Tillie down.”

  “Okay,” Mom said, moving forward to take Annie from Marcus’s arms. “I think you should come with us while we cook dinner.”

  “I want to stay with Marcus,” Annie whined.

  “Marcus and everyone else are going to show Aunt Willa around while we make dinner,” Mom said. “Would you like to meet Aunt Willa?”

  Aunt Willa plastered what she probably supposed was a friendly smile on her face. She looked like a deranged clown on the lam from the circus police. “I’ve heard all about you,” she said. “You’re a very pretty little girl.”

  Annie wrinkled her nose. “Aunt Tillie says you’re the Devil and we should never be tempted by the Devil.”

  “Oh, dear Goddess,” Mom muttered, clutching Annie tighter to he
r chest.

  “Take Annie and go,” I said, taking pity on her. “We’ll … handle this.”

  Mom didn’t have to be told twice. She kept Annie pressed to her chest as she scampered into the kitchen. Marnie and Twila looked dubious about leaving us, but their self-preservation instincts kicked in and they wordlessly followed their sister. That left the absolute worst people in the inn to deal with … well, the worst people in the inn.

  “She’s a lovely child,” Aunt Willa said, her eyes resting on Aunt Tillie’s scornful face. “You said her mother works here?”

  “They live in one of the rooms on the attic floor,” Thistle explained. “Annie’s mother was in a car accident not long ago. She’s still recovering. We took care of Annie while she was in the hospital, and then our moms hired her here because they needed help.”

  “Yes, well, this place is certainly impressive,” Aunt Willa said, glancing around the lobby. “It doesn’t look anything like the old homestead.”

  “The original house is still part of the design,” Clove offered. “Our moms and Aunt Tillie still live in that part of the building.”

  “Well, I can’t wait to see that.”

  “We have a no-assholes policy,” Aunt Tillie said. “You don’t pass muster.”

  Landon coughed into his hand to hide his laughter, causing Aunt Willa and Rosemary to shoot him twin looks of dislike. He wouldn’t make their “favorite people” list anytime soon.

  “We should start,” I said, glancing around. “Perhaps Landon, Marcus and Sam should help Aunt Tillie get ready for dinner while we’re conducting the tour.”

  “Oh, great,” Landon muttered. “I’m never going to get my bacon curse if you make me babysit her.”

  “It’s either one bout of terror or the other,” I shot back. “Do you want the enemy you know or the one that crawls in your sleeping bag when you’re camping and injects poisonous venom into your butt?”

  “It’s good to see your head is in the right place for this,” Landon said, pressing a quick kiss to my forehead before turning to Aunt Tillie. “Do you want to spend some time with me?”