All My Witches (A Wicked Witches of the Midwest Fantasy Book 5) Read online

  “I don’t believe that’s true.”

  “Well, it is.” Thistle’s agitation was beginning to show. “I don’t have time to mess around with you, Dad. I mean … Flynn. Flynn is a stupid name, by the way. All I can hear playing through my head is ‘in like Flynn,’ and it makes me want to punch somebody.”

  “I recommend punching him,” Clove suggested, pointing at Teddy.

  “I’m not ruling it out.”

  Teddy watched with dispassionate eyes. “I don’t believe we have what you need here. You’ll have to look elsewhere.”

  “Well, we’re not looking elsewhere,” Thistle said. “We need a diamond. You’re advertising them on your sign. That means you’re going to give us a diamond.”

  Teddy’s expression turned territorial. “And what makes you believe that?”

  “Let’s just call it a hunch.”

  “I can’t help you.” Teddy was firm. “The only diamond we have that size fuels our oxygenator. We’ll die without it.”

  “Or you could just move to the surface and stop living like mole people,” Landon suggested.

  Teddy ignored the suggestion. “I can’t help you.”

  “You have to help us,” Thistle pressed. “We need that diamond, and … you’re not even real!”

  Teddy balked. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “Forget it.” Thistle waved off the question. “We need that diamond. Don’t make us search for it.”

  “You can’t have free rein over this facility,” Teddy argued. “I won’t allow it. In fact … .” He snapped his head toward the gymnasium, where every occupant was now staring in our direction like a scene from the Stepford Wives. It was altogether eerie that they’d simply stopped doing their yoga poses and were now focused on us. “We will work together to thwart you.”

  “Thwart?” Landon shook his head. “Yeah, I should’ve seen this coming. You listen here, Teddy Flynn, we don’t have time to mess around. We need that diamond and we’re not going to stop until we get it.”

  “We can stop you.” Teddy was firm. “Don’t make us kill you.”

  The last sentence was uttered in a whisper, but it was one everyone in the gymnasium joined in saying together, so a creepy hiss wafted through the room, causing my blood to run cold.

  “Oh, well, that’s not freaky or anything,” Landon said, sliding his arm around my waist.

  “I already hate this place,” Clove announced. “Screw the diamond. Let’s get out of here.”

  I opened my mouth to agree, but was distracted when another figure hopped on the stage at the end of the room, his red jumpsuit standing out in a sea of pastels. The expression on the man’s face was one of utter contempt.

  “Oh, no,” I muttered.

  Landon followed my gaze. “Who is that? Do you recognize him?”

  I shook my head. “No, but I sense something is about to happen.”

  “Why?”

  “Because his jumpsuit is a different color and he’s on a stage.”

  “Oh, well, go ahead and be logical.”

  The man on the stage raised his hand for everyone’s attention. I spared a glance for Teddy and found his face had gone white.

  “I am Flynn Warfield,” the man announced.

  “I thought you were Flynn Warfield,” Thistle challenged her father.

  “I … um … .” Teddy was at a loss for words.

  “I am Flynn Warfield,” the man at the front of the room repeated. “I was your second-in-command for twenty years until that man claimed to be me.” He extended a knobby finger in Teddy’s direction. “He said I was in an accident and needed reconstructive surgery. That was a lie!

  “He locked me in a dungeon room in my own family’s facility, but I escaped and am back,” he continued. “I am the real Flynn Warfield, and I’m taking back my kingdom. All usurpers should beware. I’m not taking any prisoners.”

  “Oh, well, that sounds ominous.” Landon turned so he could scan the room again. “Do you think they have a restaurant here? I’m starving.”

  I was sad when your great-uncle died. I was lonely. Do you know what saved me? Knowing there were worse things out there … like evil twins, back-from-the-dead psychopaths and aliens that were allowed to hang out with little girls without being considered creepy. That’s why soap operas rule.

  – Aunt Tillie explaining the joys of soap operas

  Six

  “I don’t understand.” Landon’s pragmatic mind was having real trouble with a fake soap opera world. “How could one guy pretend to be the other guy and no one notice the difference?”

  “You would be surprised how often that happens on soaps,” I said. “A lot of times it happens because the original actor quit and they needed to recast. They often explain the change with an accident that required plastic surgery. Other times they simply ignore it.

  “Then, when the original actor comes back, they do this sort of switch thing where they either pretend the facial reconstruction didn’t happen or create a never-before-seen twin,” I continued. “I think every soap has trotted this out a time or two.”

  “Max on One Life to Live,” Clove volunteered.

  “Todd on One Life to Live,” Thistle added.

  “It sounds like there’s more than one life to live on that soap,” Landon grumbled. “It looks like the red shirt is going to speak again. I can’t wait to hear the rest of this.”

  “Zeton was built as a place for peace and happiness,” Flynn continued. “That’s what I envisioned when I set out to establish the community. I still believe in it, despite the fact that I was held in the basement for three years and no one noticed this imposter sullying my good name!”

  He roared the final words as he pointed at Teddy. For his part, Thistle’s father looked as if he’d rather be in a different hole in the ground.

  “Does anyone else feel as if we’re stuck in a high school Shakespeare production and the knives and poison are about to start flying?” Marcus asked.

  Sadly, that felt like an apt comparison. “We need to get out of here.”

  “We need the diamond first,” Landon argued. “We have to stick to the storyline. If it’s one thing I’ve learned about Aunt Tillie’s little magical lessons, if we don’t stick to the storyline we’ll be worse off.”

  “I’m not sure how it could get worse than this,” Thistle noted, her eyes zeroing in on the rather impressive … um, package … on display thanks to the man standing next to her. Apparently underwear and boxer shorts were a no-no in Zeton, even though they desperately needed them thanks to the tight jumpsuits. “Seriously, it’s like being trapped in a really weird porn movie.”

  “Hey!” Marcus snapped his fingers in front of Thistle’s face to get her attention. “Don’t look at that.”

  “Oh, it’s not so funny now, is it?” Landon chortled. “When Bay’s butt was getting pinched, everyone told me to suck it up. Now that Thistle has roaming eyes we need to get out of this mess. That’s typical.”

  “I happened to believe we needed to get out of this mess before that,” Marcus argued. “It’s just … hey, what is that guy doing?”

  Marcus’ attention moved back to the stage and, as with any good train wreck, I couldn’t stop myself from looking. It seemed Flynn was in the middle of stripping out of his jumper … and he had something clutched in his hand.

  “I’ve decided to move Zeton to a fresh location, one that hasn’t been corrupted by greed,” Flynn announced. “The current location is a mess thanks to that man and his machinations. I’m not very happy with everyone else, either. I mean … couldn’t you have tested him with questions only I’d know the answers to?”

  “We tried,” a woman in the crowd replied. “He said he had amnesia.”

  “And you believed him?”

  The woman shrugged. “He had a jumper. Where did he get the jumper if he wasn’t you?”

  “I believe you can find them at any cheap Halloween store,” Clove offered helpfully.

>   “It doesn’t matter,” Flynn bellowed. “I am moving the location of Zeton. Only those I trust will be allowed to come with me.”

  “How do you expect to do that?” Teddy challenged, finding his voice. “You can’t steal the heritage of this mountain, of this group, and co-opt it for a new group simply because you wish it. Zeton is much more than a place to live. If the people leave here, their immune systems will crash. They haven’t been exposed to the outside world in decades.”

  “The door is right there,” Landon offered. “It opens and closes pretty easily. I think they’ll be fine.”

  “Silence,” Teddy snapped. “You’re the reason this is happening.”

  “Me?”

  “You distracted me. You called me away when I should’ve been watching the prisoner.”

  “Hey, if you were the only one watching him for years on end, you have other issues.” Landon’s weariness came out to play. “Now, give me that diamond and we’ll leave you to your domestic dispute.”

  “I will not.” Teddy was firm. “You can torture me, make me listen to Barbra Streisand music and eat turnips, I still won’t hand over the diamond.”

  “Oh, let’s not get dramatic.” Landon rolled his eyes. “I really hate this place.”

  “Besides, friend, that imposter is no longer in charge of the Diamond of Life,” Flynn announced. “I am.”

  The crowd gasped as Flynn held up what looked to be a very cheap hunk of cut glass.

  “You can’t take that,” Teddy shrieked. “You’ll kill us if you do. The oxygenators won’t work without the diamond.”

  “And yet we’re breathing now,” Landon pointed out. “In fact … the door is literally right there. All you have to do is walk through it … and stop at the nearest clothing store, because you’ll get your ass beat on the street if you wear that. You’ll be fine.”

  “It’s not going to be fine,” Teddy argued. “Zeton is falling.”

  “It is,” Flynn agreed, clutching the diamond to his chest. “It will be reborn, though. I will see it reborn.”

  Landon lifted his hand in the air to get Flynn’s attention, but it was already too late. The flamboyant man was opening a door set in the papier mâché rock, stopping only to cast a dramatic look at the room of panicking people. “I wish I could’ve saved you from this. Your undoing is on you.”

  And, with that, he disappeared through the door.

  “Great,” Landon spat. “Now we have to chase the freak with the diamond. I just know the next stop will be worse than this one … if that’s even possible.”

  Teddy, who was doing a good impersonation of a bad actor himself, clutched at his neck as he fell near Landon’s feet. He clawed at his neck as if he was struggling for his very last breath. “Avenge us.”

  “The door is right there!” Landon barked. “You’re not suffocating. It’s all in your head.”

  “Come on.” I grabbed Landon’s arm and dragged him toward the stage. “You can’t fix this. It’s part of the story.”

  “But he’s acting as if he’s a fish out of water or something. It’s ridiculous.”

  “This whole thing is ridiculous,” Thistle said, leaving her father behind without a backward glance. “You might as well get used to it. We’ve got a long way to go before things get better. Aunt Tillie is barely getting started with us.”

  THE DOOR OPENED ON the docks.

  I expected a dark hallway, maybe something resembling the planet Hoth – without the snow, of course – but instead we found ourselves in a dimly lit harbor setting that made me want to check my shoes to make sure there wasn’t a sea slug trying to climb my leg.

  Landon was befuddled. “What the heck is this?”

  “Docks,” Clove answered. “See … that’s water and that’s a boat.”

  The look Landon shot her was right out of the book Irritation 101. “Thank you, Clove. I never would’ve figured that out myself.”

  Clove merely shrugged. “You asked.”

  “Whatever,” he mumbled under his breath before turning his attention to me. “What do you think?”

  “I think we’re here for a reason,” I replied. “Aunt Tillie clearly wants us to see a lot of sets. At least we don’t have to arrange for our own transportation. I wondered when we didn’t see any cars on the road. You very rarely see vehicles on soaps … unless it’s for a scene in which someone is going to run someone else down.”

  “I guess we have that going for us.” Landon tugged a restless hand through his hair. “What are we supposed to do here?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. I think the bigger question is: Where did Flynn go?”

  “Yeah, that guy needs some Prozac,” Thistle said.

  “I think that’s what happens when you’re kept in a locked room for years,” Marcus supplied. “You should think long and hard before trying to do that with Aunt Tillie. Do you want her ending up nuttier than she already is?”

  Thistle’s expression was appraising. “You usually stick up for Aunt Tillie no matter what. Things must be bad if you’re turning on her.”

  “I’m not turning on her.”

  “She can’t hear you. There’s no reason to deny what you’re feeling.”

  “I’m not turning on her.” Marcus repeated the words, but the way he lifted his eyes to the sky made me think he believed Aunt Tillie was spying on us. I couldn’t help but wonder about that, too. “I’m simply … tired. We’ve been here only an hour, but it somehow feels longer.”

  “So much longer,” Sam intoned. “I think this world is better than the fairy tale one, though. At least here I don’t have to climb anyone’s hair to save my beloved … oh, and I don’t have that pesky growing nose problem.”

  “Oh, I like when you call me that,” Clove cooed, leaning closer to Sam and resting her cheek against his chest. “You’re my beloved, too.”

  “Don’t make me throw you in the water,” Thistle snapped. “I can take only so much.”

  Clove scowled. “I wasn’t talking to you.”

  “As long as I can hear you, you’re talking to me.”

  “Knock it off, guys,” I warned. “Now is not the time for a fight.”

  “When is the time for a fight?” Thistle challenged. “I would like to schedule it and set a warning on my phone so I don’t forget.”

  Phone? Hmm. I dug in my pocket and came up empty. “Do you have your phone?”

  Thistle balked. “Well … no. It was a figure of speech.”

  “I’m not attacking you. I was simply asking.”

  “What does the phone have to do with anything?” Landon asked. “It’s not as if we can call for help.”

  “I know. I think we know the way Aunt Tillie’s mind works well enough to realize that we’re all sleeping in our beds and not really here. I was simply curious.”

  “I have a phone,” Sam announced, drawing out what looked to be an old Nokia from his pocket. “I haven’t seen something like this in years.”

  Landon peered over his shoulder. “That’s because they don’t make them anymore.”

  “Why would Sam have a phone, but the rest of us don’t?” Thistle asked. “He’s Aunt Tillie’s least favorite – which is saying something because we have Landon with us – and yet he gets a phone. I don’t understand.”

  “Does it work?” Landon snagged the phone from Sam’s hand, pressed some buttons and frowned. “It looks dead.”

  “I wouldn’t count on that,” Marcus said. “If she thought to include it, there’s a reason.”

  “Yeah, I guess we’ll find out eventually.” Landon handed the phone back to Sam. “We need to find that Flynn guy. He’s clearly our focus until something else pops up. He has the diamond we need … or at least we think we need … so we have to figure out where he would go next.”

  “I think I can help you with that.”

  The sultry voice from the shadows caught me off guard. I thought we were alone, just the six of us on ridiculously fake docks, but it seemed I was wr
ong. “Who’s there?”

  Landon instinctively stepped in front of me, pushing his arm out to keep Thistle and me behind him. He cast a pointed look at Sam to make sure he did the same with Clove. It was a fake world, so the odds of us really being hurt were slim, but that didn’t mean Landon was taking any chances.

  “Can I help you?”

  The woman who stepped from the murk into the light was breathtaking. She was taller than me by a good three inches and she had long blond hair to her waist. Speaking of her waist, it was ridiculously small, even though her boobs could’ve claimed their own ZIP code.

  “Hello, lover,” she purred as she sauntered closer to Landon.

  I knew it wasn’t the time, yet I couldn’t stop myself from growing territorial. “Hey!”

  “Oh, finally I get a reaction out of you,” Landon drawled, casting a quick look over his shoulder, his eyes gleaming when they locked with mine. “Now you care.”

  “If she pinches your butt I’m throwing her into the water,” I warned.

  “Duly noted.” Landon lowered his arm, although he made sure to stand in front of the pack. The woman didn’t look dangerous – unbelievably slutty, but not dangerous – so he clearly didn’t feel the need to go all Terminator when it came to protection mode. “Do I know you?”

  The woman’s laugh was light and silky. “Is that supposed to be a joke?”

  “Of course not. Um … .” Landon looked to me for help.

  “I’m Bay Winchester,” I announced, extending my hand as I stepped forward.

  “I’m Eden Rose.” The woman’s gaze was keen as she looked me up and down. “You look familiar, although I don’t believe I’ve ever heard that name before.”

  “I think you’re supposed to use your other name,” Clove suggested.

  “That name is ridiculous. I’m not using that name.”

  “Yes, because Eden Rose isn’t a ridiculous name,” Thistle muttered. “She does look really familiar. Do we know her from somewhere?”

  “Are you talking about me?” Eden arched an eyebrow as she stared down Thistle. “I’m a lieutenant with the Camelot Falls Police Department.”