Charms & Witchdemeanors (Wicked Witches of the Midwest Book 8) Page 8
“I don’t think any poisoning is a pleasant way to go,” Landon pointed out.
“Who do you think did it?” Marcus asked. “It wasn’t Aunt Tillie. I know she didn’t do it.”
“I don’t believe it was her, but until we start investigating I have absolutely nowhere to focus my attention,” Landon said.
“Poisoning is generally a female thing,” I said. “Men use guns or knives because it’s phallic.”
“That’s profound, sweetie,” Landon said. “Have you ever noticed you’re prone to deep thoughts when you’re drunk?”
“That wasn’t a deep thought.”
“It was close enough,” Landon said. “You’re right about the poisoning, though. Most women don’t like to get their hands dirty, so they kill from a distance.”
“I’ll bet it was Mrs. Little,” Thistle said, slightly slurring her words. “She’s the one so desperate to pin it on Aunt Tillie. We all know she’s not a nice woman.”
“Peddling porcelain unicorns is evil,” I agreed, referring to the kitschy shop Mrs. Little owned and operated. “Maybe I should go in and talk to her tomorrow.”
“Don’t get involved,” Landon warned. “Let the professionals handle it this time.”
“I’m a professional.”
“Right now you’re a professional drunk and stoner,” Landon said, leaning forward so he could grab my waist and hoisted me up. “That’s why you’re going to bed before you can have another drink and make matters worse.”
“That’s probably what we all should do,” Marcus said.
I glanced at Clove, my heart rolling. This wasn’t goodbye – it never would be – but it was as close as we would ever get. “Goodnight.”
“I’ll see you in the morning,” Clove said, forcing a bright smile. “It’s going to be a big day.”
“It’s going to be a great life,” I said. “You’ve earned it. Now, get some sleep so you’ll look cute in your special moving outfit.”
Eight
My hangover was minimal the next day – and by that I mean three aspirin killed it in less than an hour.
Sam arrived right at eight, the grin on his face so wide as he greeted Clove I couldn’t help but like him a little more than I previously did. Despite what Clove thought, I did like and trust him. I kind of wanted to smack him for stealing my cousin, mind you, but Clove was so giddy and happy I also wanted to hug him.
“I think that’s everything,” Sam said once Landon and Marcus helped him take apart Clove’s bed and move it to his truck. “Well, everything but my girl.”
Clove smiled shyly as she took his hand. “Yup.”
“If you need help putting that bed together, I can come out and do it this afternoon,” Marcus offered. “I’ll be in town most of the day, so give me a call if you need anything.”
“Thanks, but I think we have it covered,” Sam said. “I appreciate the offer, though.”
“I would offer to help, but I don’t want to,” Landon said, rubbing my back as we sat in the armchair at the edge of the living room. “I’m lazy when it comes to manual labor.”
Sam smiled. “That’s okay. I heard you have your hands full as it is.”
“Yeah, I’m not looking forward to that,” Landon said. “It’s going to be a long couple of days. Speaking of that, we should get in the shower, Bay. We need to go up to the inn for breakfast. I’m worried Noah will have gone missing during the night thanks to your mother … or Aunt Tillie.”
I nodded, my eyes trained on Clove. “You should come up to the inn for breakfast,” I suggested. I wasn’t quite ready for her to leave the property yet. “I know you have a big day of moving and everything, but … it’s the last regular breakfast you’ll have here.”
Sam frowned. “We’ll be here for breakfast at least once a week. I promise.”
“I know,” I said. “It’s just … last night’s meal was a mess because of the pot. She should come for one more big meal.”
“But … .” Sam glanced at Clove, conflicted. “You know what? I don’t think either of us is going to feel like cooking today because we have so much work ahead of us. Breakfast at the inn sounds great.”
Clove beamed. “Really?” She sounded relieved.
“Really,” Sam said, nodding as he slung an arm over her shoulders. “I hope they have pancakes. I’m in the mood for pancakes.”
“I’m in the mood for a shower,” I said. “We should be ready in a half hour.”
“I’ll vacuum my bedroom … I mean the new office or crafts room … so it’s nice and clean for when you guys stop fighting and start decorating,” Clove offered.
“You don’t have to do that,” I said. “We’re not going to stop fighting for weeks.”
“That’s the truth,” Thistle muttered, rubbing her forehead. Of everyone present for the packing party the previous evening, she had the worst hangover. “That’s going to make moving my pottery wheel in that much sweeter when I claim victory.”
“Dream on,” I said, struggling to a standing position. “We won’t be long. I … .”
The front door popped open, cutting off the rest of my response. It wasn’t important anyway, especially given the sight standing in the doorway. Aunt Tillie, clad in heart-shaped sunglasses with multi-colored lenses, camouflage pants, purple Dr. Martens boots and an odd-looking kimono top, smiled brightly when she saw us. She had a suitcase in her hand. “Hello, roomies.”
Uh-oh. “I’m sorry … what?”
“No, no, no!” Thistle hopped to her feet. “What do you think you’re doing here?”
“I’m moving in,” Aunt Tillie announced, unperturbed by our less-than-enthusiastic reception. “I told you last night I was going to.”
“Yes, but … we thought you were joking,” I said, glancing at Landon for help. “Do something.”
“I saw this coming, pothead,” Landon said, pursing his lips. “I can’t fix this for you. You have to fix it yourself.”
“But … .” This couldn’t be happening.
“Hello, Clove,” Aunt Tillie said, leaving me flustered and stewing on the other side of the room. “Are you excited about your big day? You look excited.”
“I’m fairly excited,” Clove said, her face unreadable as her gaze bounced around the room. “We’re going to have breakfast at the inn before we go. It’s going to be a long day and we want a big meal.”
“That’s a great idea,” Aunt Tillie said, her enthusiasm on full display. “Did you clean all of your stuff out of your old room? I’m going to need to spread out. I do yoga every morning and sometimes it gets … vigorous.”
“Uh-huh.”
Aunt Tillie graced each individual in the room with a smile before bouncing into Clove’s room. Once she was out of sight, I took the opportunity to turn on Landon. “Do something!”
“What do you want me to do?” Landon asked. “I told you last night that this would happen. It’s here, and now you have to deal with it.”
“But … this will ruin everything.”
“Like what?” Landon challenged. “What do you think she’s going to do to you?”
“I think she’s going to make it so it’s impossible for us to sleep together under this roof,” I replied.
Landon wasn’t convinced. “Define sleep.”
“She means have sex, you moron,” Thistle said, cuffing the back of Landon’s head and causing him to scowl. “Do you have any idea how uncomfortable it’ll be for us to do anything … romantic … when Aunt Tillie is here?”
“She also snores so loud you’re going to think a tornado is touching down,” I added.
“So do you when you’re really tired,” Landon shot back.
“I can’t believe you’re for this,” Thistle said. “Generally Aunt Tillie drives you crazy. You know she’s going to monitor every single little thing we do, right? How is that going to work out for you?”
“Yeah, I don’t think this is going to work out for any of us, and I happen to love Aunt Tillie
,” Marcus said.
“That’s because you’re her favorite and you won’t share the wealth,” Thistle snapped. “This can’t happen. We have to stop it.”
“We’re not going to stop it,” Landon argued, taking me by surprise.
“We’re not?”
“Bay, we talked about this yesterday,” Landon said. “I’m worried. I’m so worried my stomach hurts. Noah is up at that inn. I didn’t want him on this property, but I thought it was more dangerous letting him wander around on his own.
“My big concern was him sharing a roof with Aunt Tillie because I thought she might lose control and set something on fire … or throw pot at him when he wasn’t looking … or curse his hair to fall out,” he continued. “This doesn’t solve that problem, but it does make it easier to deal with.”
“How?” Thistle challenged.
“Noah will be with me during the day,” Landon answered. “I’ll be able to control the information coming his way – or at least minimize the damage it could cause. I have no intention of being separated from you at night, Bay, but I was worried about what would happen if I was separated from Noah and he ticked Aunt Tillie off. Now she’s here, so the odds of that happening are slimmer. This isn’t perfect. It’s not going to be perfect again until we get Noah out of here. This is the easiest solution, though.”
“You might not say that when she tries to put a wedge between you and Bay,” Thistle argued.
“No one can put a wedge between Bay and me,” Landon replied. “It can’t happen. Aunt Tillie will be a pain. She’s always a pain. The most important thing is keeping her out of jail, though. The second most important thing is keeping this family’s magical abilities under wraps.”
“I get what you’re saying, but this is going to be a nightmare,” Thistle said. “Just for the record, I called it first.”
“We all called it,” I said. “Landon is right, though. We have to do our best to keep Aunt Tillie away from Agent Glenn.”
“Fine,” Thistle said, holding up her hands and conceding defeat, “but if this goes horribly wrong, I’m moving in with Marcus and leaving you guys to deal with Aunt Tillie.”
“Fine,” Landon said. “You need to try to get along with her, though. Don’t needlessly push her buttons.”
“Oh, come on!” Thistle was annoyed. “She needlessly pushes my buttons. Are you going to stop her from doing that?”
“No. I often find that funny.”
“I didn’t think so,” Thistle grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest. “This sucks.”
“Welcome to adulthood,” Landon said. “It’s not the ideal situation, but we have to deal with it. That’s freaking life, Thistle.”
“Oh, I’m kind of sad; I’m going to miss this,” Clove said, smiling fondly at Sam. “Of course, I’m really glad I don’t have to live here while this is going down. It’s going to be utter chaos.”
“Yes, timing is everything, isn’t it?” Sam said, grinning. “We’ll make sure to stop by for frequent visits so we don’t miss too much of the action.”
Clove clapped her hands, her newfound giddiness making my stomach turn. “Yay!”
“I think this will be okay,” I said, forcing a bright smile. “It probably won’t be as bad as we think.”
“You’re such a moron sometimes,” Thistle muttered. “This is going to blow up in all of our faces. Just you wait.”
As if on cue, Aunt Tillie poked her head into the living room. “Did you know there’s no bed in here?”
“Clove is taking hers to the Dandridge,” I supplied.
“I guess that means Marcus and Landon have to carry my bed down from The Overlook,” Aunt Tillie said. “That will be fine. You guys can get it after breakfast.”
“I’m looking forward to it,” Landon gritted out, locking gazes with me before lowering his voice. “You’re lucky I love you. A lesser man would run screaming from this house right now.”
“Do you still want your shower?”
Landon tilted his head to the side, considering. “You’d better be feeling acrobatic. I have a feeling I’m going to have a lot of excess energy to work off over the next few days. You’d better get in shape.”
“That’s quite the pillow talk,” I said dryly.
“And just think … she hasn’t even been here five minutes.”
That was a sobering thought.
“SO, TODAY is the big day, huh?”
Marnie took us all by surprise a half hour later when she moved to hug Clove before she sat at the dining room table. The couple from the previous night opted against staying for breakfast before they checked out – not that I blame them, mind you – so it was just the family, boyfriends and the ever-annoying Noah Glenn.
“I’m still going to see you all of the time, Mom,” Clove said, awkwardly patting Marnie’s shoulder. “I’ll be here just as much as I was before.”
“We both know that’s not true, but I’m happy you’re happy,” Marnie said, offering Sam a heartfelt smile. “You’d better treat her well.”
“I plan to,” Sam said in earnest. “You can come out whenever you want and visit.”
“I would rephrase that if I were you,” Thistle said, plopping down in her chair. “The last thing you want is one of our mothers having free reign over your domain.”
“You’re always a joy in the morning, Thistle,” Mom said, shaking her head. “Tell me, how do you like your new roommate?”
As if smelling a trap, Thistle narrowed her eyes. “I know you’re somehow behind this, and just for the record, you’re now my least favorite family member. Congratulations.”
“Oh, the love goes right to my head,” Mom deadpanned, fanning her face to ward off fake tears. “It makes an aunt so proud.”
Thistle was unmoved by the sarcasm. “You’re a pain. You know that, right?”
“You had to inherit it from somewhere,” Mom said, settling in her regular seat before turning her attention to me. “Aren’t you going to complain about your new roommate? I expected wailing … or whining … or that really annoying combination of both you do when you’re determined to get your way.”
She was baiting me. “I’m fine with it,” I said, stabbing two pancakes from the plate in the center of the table with my fork. “We’re going to miss Clove, so having Aunt Tillie there will be a nice … distraction.”
Thistle snorted. “I thought you were going to say destruction.”
“That, too,” I said. “It will be fine. I’m happy to have Aunt Tillie so close.”
Mom narrowed her eyes, suspicious. “What are you up to? You’re not up to the same thing you were up to last night, are you?”
“That was an accident,” Landon said, casting a pointed look in Noah’s direction. “The heatstroke came about because they were working so hard to clean out the greenhouse. It wasn’t wise doing it in this heat, but I’ve had a chat with them and they won’t do it like that again. Let it go.”
Mom scratched the side of her nose as she realized what Landon was trying to say – without really saying it, of course. “Oh.” She turned on Aunt Tillie. “We’re going to have a talk when this is all over.”
“I can’t wait,” Aunt Tillie said. “Our talks are often the highlight of my day.”
“Whatever,” Mom said, handing Landon the platter of bacon. “I made that for you.”
“And here I thought you didn’t love me,” Landon said, happily accepting his pork prize.
“I don’t blame you for any of this … or bringing him into our lives,” Mom said, glaring at Noah. “I know you’re doing your best.”
“I am doing my best,” Landon agreed. “We all need to do our best to get through this. Speaking of that, Noah, you need to eat quickly so we can get moving. We have a lot to do today.”
“What are we doing?” Noah asked, his face blank.
“You’re in charge of the investigation,” Landon said, his patience clearly working overtime. “What do you think we should do?”
I risked a glance at Thistle and immediately wished I hadn’t because we both couldn’t swallow our giggles when the hilarity of his answer washed over us.
“What’s so funny?” Noah asked.
“They’re laughing because your answer was a roundabout ticket to nowhere,” Landon supplied. “We’re going to start out at Patty Grimes’ house and go through all her mail and correspondence. After lunch, we’ll figure out our next move.”
“Are you going to be in town for lunch today?” I asked.
“I … .”
Noah cleared his throat, cutting Landon off. “It probably wouldn’t be wise to have lunch with the chief suspect’s niece while we’re investigating.”
“Thank you, Noah,” Landon said, his tone positively dripping with sarcasm. “I so love it when you spout rules, regulations and general suggestions regarding my behavior.”
“I guess that answers that question.”
“I think you’re on your own for lunch,” Landon said. “I wish I could keep you with me today, but I’m sure you understand that’s against the rules.”
“Like ten of them,” Noah added.
I fought the urge to sigh – and then fling a pancake at Noah. “It’s okay,” I said. “I have work of my own to do.”
“Not on this, right?” Landon pressed.
“I … of course not.”
Landon didn’t believe me. I didn’t blame him. He leaned close so only I could hear him. “Be very careful.”
I smiled. “I will. Try not to kill Noah when he irritates you.”
“I can’t make that promise,” Landon said, reaching for more bacon. “At least I have the thing I love most in this world to bolster me for a few minutes before I start what I’m sure will be an absolutely terrible day.”
“Is that the bacon or me?”
Landon shrugged. “If you’d start wearing bacon, that would be the easiest choice ever.”
“I love you, but sometimes you make it really hard.”
Landon smirked. “Don’t worry. I would choose you over the bacon nine out of ten times.”